Sirius, Old Friend
by IntricateOne
Summary: Chapter 8 is up! RR please. OotP spoilers! SiriusRowena Flintwood(OC) fic; Rowena, not a
1. A Return From Nepal

A/N: PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU'VE READ ORDER OF THE PHOENIX COMPLETELY!!! Disclaimer: I don't own anyone except Rowena.  
  
It had been fourteen long years since Rowena Flintwood had seen her beloved friend, Sirius Black. Ever since Sirius was sent to Azkaban, though she, Remus Lupin, and Albus Dumbledore were quite sure he was innocent, Rowena ran to a small wizarding community in Nepal. Why did she run? Sirius was all she lived for, and there wasn't a chance he'd leave Azkaban.  
  
Another reason was that Voldemort's followers had found out she was part of the Order of the Phoenix, and a comrade of hers, Severus Snape (imagine that!), had tipped her off about the Death Eaters. He was, after all, somewhat of a double-agent for Dumbledore.  
  
So she ran, far. In the foothills of Nepal were runaway wizards and witches, all wanting some spiritual guidance, some hope, some safety from their lives. Some were Nepalese, some Tibetan, some Indian, some from her native England, and some from the rest of Europe. She almost never used her wand for anything out of the ordinary, just simple spells.  
  
Soon, she started meditation for weeks at a time. Somehow, it gave her visions out of the extreme concentration. All the people she lived amongst wore saffron robes, did mantras, meditated, ate simple meals, lived humbly, and tried to forget complex, modern life.  
  
One day, she had a vision of a raven flying from a small black cage. A year later, she saw the same raven fly into a larger, silver cage, amongst other birds. Another year had passed, she saw the raven flying until it was thrown off by a vulture and bitten by a venomous, large, black snake.  
  
The visions bothered her so, to where she could not sleep or eat. She was disturbed, frightened. Her heart had broke when she had the last vision. Tears flowed freely, and she had no idea why. "What happened?", she thought.  
  
These visions ruined her peace and comfort in the small village of magic. She could not forget, nor could she find solace  
  
A woman by the name of Menakshi asked, "What's wrong, Rowena? What leaves you so troubled?"  
  
"I've got to go, Menakshi. I've got to go back. No questions please."  
  
"What?!"  
  
Rowena shook her head. She really didn't care if anyone missed her. Rowena changed into jeans and a T-shirt, so as not to look conspicuous. She packed her belongings quite swiftly in a small bag, her mind swarming in theories and ideas about the visions. Somehow she had gotten to the conclusion that they concerned freedom and death. She concentrated heavily, clutching her wand in one hand, her bag in the other.  
  
She Apparated to a field, a mile away from Hogwarts. It was a mildly warm July evening. There were no students, she knew well. She walked up to the castle-based school of Magic, her favorite place of childhood.  
  
"Dumbledore. . .", she thought, "He must know. . . everything. . . "  
  
She walked through the doors, throughout the halls, everything became reminiscent. . . James Potter giving Slytherins sour looks, Sirius at his side grinning recklessly, Remus smiling slyly, keeping his mouth shut, and Peter Pettigrew, the coward, shyly bringing up the rear.  
  
"Where's McGonagall's office?!", she wondered, "She'd understand. . ."  
  
Her memory ran through her mind, like a bunch of spiders climbing vines. She knew where to turn and everything, smelling the slightly musky rooms on the way. Rowena finally came to a door with Minerva McGonagall, Professor of Transfiguration and Head of Gryffindor etched in golden lettering.  
  
She knocked at the door, heard a crisp, cool, distinct "Come in.", and she followed the command. She loved Minerva's voice, so commanding, so "take charge".  
  
"No wonder she never got married.", she thought humorously to herself.  
  
Rowena walked in and found a stressed McGonagall looking over O.W.L.'s results, and swore she heard her mutter, "Go Potter! 'Can't be an Auror. . .' what nonsense!". McGonagall looked up, and nearly fell out of her chair, her eyes round. She found a place for a remembering smile, and said,  
  
"It's been a long time, Ms. Flintwood. How have you been? When did you get back? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Professor McGonagall, I need to see Professor Dumbledore. I have no time to talk. I just Apparated from Nepal, and. . .", she faltered, and didn't know how to explain, "It's urgent. . . I've had some sort of vision. . . please don't roll your eyes, I'm no Sybill Trelawney, just let me see him."  
  
McGonagall got up and came closer to Rowena, looking at her like a hawk would. She asked quietly,  
  
"Flintwood, what is this about?"  
  
"I don't know. . . I think someone's died."  
  
McGonagall blanched white, she bit her lip, and looked away for a second. She put her hand on Rowena's shoulder and silently led her to the entrance of Dumbledore's quarters.  
  
"Don't let it true. . . please?", Rowena thought, "May it be me just worrying over nothing. . ."  
  
"Fizzing. . . whizbee.", Minerva uttered softly.  
  
Rowena followed her former teacher up the ever-spiraling steps to Dumbledore's office. Rowena stared. His office was as opulent as ever. The portraits of former headmasters snoozed without a care. She stepped up to his desk, while McGonagall silently left, which was very unlike her.  
  
Dumbledore looked up, his eyes weary, his blue eyes vacant of the spark they once had, his grey hair frazzled, his half-moon glasses low on his crooked nose. He gave his former pupil a sad smile, full of the burdens he carried and the trials of heart he must've faced recently. She gave a weak smile back, empathizing somewhat, feeling great remorse for what had broken her headmaster's spirit, this man's hope.  
  
Rowena was the first to speak.  
  
"Times haven't changed much since I left, huh?"  
  
"Sit please, Ms. Flintwood."  
  
She sat, slumping into the chair, praying to whatever force there was that everything was fine, but knowing that everything was wrong, chaos filled this place.  
  
"Didn't Harry rid the world of Voldemort?", she asked, in some sort of dark humor.  
  
Dumbledore didn't laugh.  
  
"In the Fourteen years you were in Nepal, things have changed, Rowena. Voldemort has returned. Harry Potter was first to witness him. He's escaped Voldemort five times, including when he was an infant. The Death Eaters, well most of them, have been placed in Azkaban, if they weren't caught the first time. Or if they broke out recently. The Ministry tried to cover up and pretend that Voldemort wasn't reborn, that Harry was lying for attention, that I had lost my grasp on reality. Now they know.  
  
"The Order has reformed, and so have Voldemort's followers. We are preparing for a war, Rowena."  
  
He sighed heavily, obviously tired of all that was occurring before his eyes. He then looked at Rowena curiously.  
  
"What brings you here?"  
  
Tears were in her eyes, once again. She felt so foolish: her, a Seer?  
  
"Honestly,", she thought, "Divination was always something baseless and idiotic to you! Now you think you've been having visions, premonitions, signs?"  
  
"Professor, during my meditation, I've had some visions. You're not Professor Trelawney, but I think you'd have a much better idea."  
  
Again, Dumbledore smiled.  
  
She narrated every detail of her vision, from the raven's look in its eye, to the vehement way it broke free of its cage, and the snake's cruel finishing blow.  
  
Dumbledore was now in deep contemplation. He looked to her several times, and she knew he was picking up on her frustration and worry.  
  
"Rowena, what are your thoughts?"  
  
She looked down, feeling ever so silly about something she might've imagined. However, she managed to speak.  
  
"Well. . . it concerns death I'm sure. But who's? That is the question, right?"  
  
Dumbledore nodded.  
  
He looked to her again, as though dissecting her every feeling, and replied,  
  
"Rowena, you haven't heard about Sirius, have you?"  
  
Her heart stopped. It suddenly made some sense, and that's what hurt her the most.  
  
"Not Sirius. . .", she thought, "No, not my Sirius. . ."  
  
"Tell me, Professor Dumbledore. Tell me everything."  
  
So is it good? Bad? Questions? Comments? Anything weird? And if someone could beta read for me that'd be great. . . Oh, btw, someone PLEASE explain the whole "Door of Death" and veil thing. I might've read thru it too fast. 


	2. The Story

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, Lumos Girl! More chaps are coming! Disclaimer: Still don't own anyone except Rowena.  
  
Dumbledore gave a long sigh, looked down, and put his head in his hands. Rowena bit her lip. She was worried, truly concerned, for Dumbledore's welfare. Why was he so upset? Why was he so different? What had changed him so?  
  
"Two years ago, Sirius, broke out of Azkaban. He entered Hogwarts, most likely in his Animagus form, and broke into Gryffindor common room. One day, he finally met Harry and his friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, in the Shrieking Shack. Ron's pet rat, as he knew him, was Peter.  
  
"Then, Remus, who was the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, found them both in the shack, and tried to calm Sirius. Harry probably was very confused at the time, and thought Sirius was the killer of his parents. Then Severus came in. . .",  
  
Dumbledore gave another sigh, but smiled afterwards. Rowena grinned. Dumbledore finished the story with,  
  
"Harry had saved Sirius and sent him off on a hippogriff."  
  
Rowena was laughing slightly at this, surprised that she could laugh when the story of her comrade's death was upon her.  
  
"Harry is gifted like his father. . .", she said softly, "You know very well sir, I wasn't that fond of his father, but he was inarguably brilliant. A full fledged Patronus. . ."  
  
"Sirius lived in a cave above Hogsmeade for some time. . . when Harry came back with the message of Voldemort's return. . . I sent Sirius to his House of Black, for, well you must know now."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, now it is the meeting place of friends."  
  
She understood. He was talking about the Order.  
  
"Moving on, Sirius was sick of waiting at his house while others were doing work. Harry went to the Department of Mysteries, believing that Sirius was in grave danger there and that Voldemort would kill him. You see, that scar of Harry's shows a connection in the thoughts of Harry and Voldemort. I told Harry to learn Occlumency from Severus, to block Voldemort's thoughts, though he didn't put his heart into it. I blame myself for that: I should've told him what it was for, but I believed it unsafe.  
  
"Sirius hadn't been in grave danger, he was at home. Harry tried to reach by fire, but Sirius wasn't near the fireplace, and Kreacher, well, he gave Harry false information. Harry assumed that he was right. He, and five friends, went to the Department of Mysteries. Ten Death Eaters that had escaped cornered him and his friends there. He held the Prophecy in his hand. They wanted it for Voldemort. My pupils fought the Death Eaters, all of them with minor injuries, except Harry.  
  
"Severus had sent for the Order, under Harry's hint. Sirius joined the rest. He saw Bellatrix Lestrange, his cousin and one of Voldemort's followers. They dueled, and he did quite well. He taunted her and then. . . she hit him with a Stunning spell. . . he fell through the veil. . . "  
  
Dumbledore didn't finish. Rowena knew he didn't have to.  
  
"The Death Eaters went to Azkaban, except Bellatrix, who escaped with Voldemort. That night, I finally told Harry the prophecy."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Rowena, I cannot apologize enough for the death of Sirius. It was my fault, mostly, perhaps not entirely."  
  
His voice had lost the mechanical quality from the story Dumbledore told; it was now full of heart, full of pain, full of sadness. . .  
  
"It isn't your fault, Professor. It isn't Harry's. It isn't the Order's. It isn't Severus's. It isn't Kreacher's, the filthy thing. It isn't even Bellatrix's. I prefer to think it was Fate. If Sirius had lived, you wouldn't have told Harry the Prophecy. If he had lived, Harry could not have learned that curiosity can hurt you, that obedience can be good. If Sirius lived, Harry would have a close attachment, which Voldemort would use against him when the time came. Voldemort has already used Sirius against Harry."  
  
"Rowena, I suppose you can be right."  
  
"And besides, Sirius would've went, if Harry was there or not!"  
  
Rowena found herself trying to be unbiased, and hoping that Sirius's death was inevitable. She didn't want there to have been a chance that he could've lived. If there was a chance, she would obsess to the point where she might commit murder on whoever she felt responsible. She wanted see Sirius again. . . her last words were not the best. . . she could not even remember them.  
  
Dumbledore sat down in a chair next to her, to her dismay. She did not want him to comfort her, to see her tears, despite the unbiased theory she gave of Fate. She looked up at him, hiding her sadness, her pain, her doubts. He put a knotted hand on her shoulder. She smiled. He was still a gentle person, sensitive to the pain of others. Perhaps it was his tragic flaw.  
  
"Would you like to stay at Hogwarts for the night? The students are gone. It would be very easy to situate you."  
  
"No, Professor. I need to see. . . someone."  
  
"Very well. Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place."  
  
"What?"  
  
Dumbledore handed her a silver lighter. . .or an unlighter.  
  
"Will you need a Portkey? . . . Or do you think you can Apparate?"  
  
"I'll Apparate. . . what is this place?"  
  
Dumbledore wouldn't answer. Rowena took the hint. He did not want to say out loud. She grabbed her bag from beside her, clutching it a bit too tightly.  
  
"I'll see you Professor Dumbledore. . .soon, hopefully"  
  
"It has been a pleasure seeing you, Ms. Flintwood."  
  
~**********************~  
  
Rowena ran down the spiral steps, managing to find her way outside the massive castle. She had to be a mile away from the school in order to successfully Apparate. She thought Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place and suddenly pointed her wand upon herself, hoping to reach there.  
  
Suddenly she was in front of the narrow space between Number Eleven, Grimmauld Place and Number Thirteen, Grimmauld Place. She grinned.  
  
"Of course.", she thought, "It wouldn't be a Wizard's home unless it was hidden in a Muggle neighborhood."  
  
She pulled the silver unlighter out of her jeans pocket, feeling it's steely coolness against her fingers. She popped the cap until all the streetlamps were out. She then waited, hoping something would happen.  
  
All of a sudden, a house slipped in between the two houses she saw before. She smiled. She lighted all the streetlamps again.  
  
Walking up to the door, she felt her heart pounding. What was it that she was expecting? Did Dumbledore really know who she wanted to see?  
  
Rowena grasped the doorknob, and the icy feeling crept up her arm. She twisted it, thinking,  
  
"Maybe your future lies here. . .maybe Dumbledore knows what's best for you. ."  
  
She walked in, the house almost perfectly dark. She noticed little things: a dark couch, a dark stairway, little blue shadows along the floor and the walls. She saw a tapestry of the Black Family Tree on the wall. She scowled. Sirius wasn't on it, and he, in her opinion, was what made the Black family so honorable. Otherwise they were just a bunch of pure-blood, arrogant fools.  
  
"Ungrateful prats!", she thought, gazing at the burn mark which once held Sirius's name.  
  
She sat down on the couch, feeling rather lonely. She heard a few steps, and felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
A voice whispered in disbelief.  
  
"Rowena?" 


	3. Secrets

Disclaimer: I own just Rowena.  
  
Rowena slowly turned her head, her brownish-black hair slightly swishing at the being behind her. Her eyes met the hazel orbs flecked with green of the other person. It couldn't be, this was impossible. . .  
  
Sirius Black was looking at her, his eyes round in surprise, his jaw dropped. He stood there, just slightly awkward, not knowing what to say or do. Rowena stood up, and walked over to him. She was shaking, trying to stop, but failing miserably. She was afraid of crying, especially in front of Sirius. He was such a strong person, who kept his control on some of his feelings, though his anger was never on a leash.  
  
She breathed slowly, taking in the person in front of her. He had changed a lot since she saw him. His hair was longer, and more unkempt. There were circles under his eyes, as though he were only a shadow. He was paler, his lips were chapped, and he had lost the lively spirit he once had. Just like Dumbledore. . .  
  
Finally she spoke, feeling her stomach stop churning.  
  
"Sirius, it can't be you. . . who are you? Did you take Polyjuice potion? What kind of sick joke are you playing on me?! Get off!"  
  
Sirius tried to put his hand on her shoulder, but she threw him off. She sat back down, and felt the weight of Sirius sitting down next to her. He put his arm around her shoulders quite comfortably, and she let him, for this was what the old Sirius used to do.  
  
"This is dark magic. This isn't real. It's an illusion. . .", Rowena said softly, hoping this statement would be proven false.  
  
"Let me explain. . .", Sirius said, his voice the same from fourteen years ago, bittersweet, perfectly balanced.  
  
Rowena didn't answer. What could he explain to her? What did he know? Someone was trying to trick her, that was it.  
  
"Prove to me that you're Sirius Black, the good friend I've known since I was eleven, do something, anything!"  
  
"Ask me something only I would know.", Sirius suggested gently, a playful smile on his face. It was rare for him to smile, Rowena now knew.  
  
"What did you tell me when you first saw Harry?"  
  
He grinned, "'I don't want to have a son, for I might love Harry more.'"  
  
Rowena nodded, but replied, "That was much too easy."  
  
"Ask again!"  
  
"Fine!", she thought for a few minutes, then asked,  
  
"What was your first insult to me?"  
  
Sirius started laughing so hard, he could not say the words, and was practically falling on the floor in hilarity. Rowena refused to laugh; she remembered the insult well, and she never found it funny.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Sirius, breathing heavily, and giving another grin, said in a slightly higher voice,  
  
"Well, you were by yourself in the Three Broomsticks, during our. . . Third year, was it? Anyway, you looked sad, and you sat alone and I said, "Why are you so sad, Flintwood? Does Malfoy have a crush on someone else?"  
  
Rowena cleared her throat angrily. She still took it to heart, for she ALWAYS despised Lucius Malfoy. Despite all her Transcendentalist ways, her meditation, her spirituality, she still hated Malfoy beyond compare. She sighed, finally and said,  
  
"Ok, so you ARE Sirius. . . but, you're dead. . .you can't be. . .Dumbledore said."  
  
"Look, Dumbledore knows I'm alive. Right now, Remus, Dumbledore, and you are the only ones who know."  
  
"Explain everything!"  
  
Sirius looked at her thoughtfully, adding, "You just won't quit, will you?"  
  
"I deserve to know.", she said coldly, "I was crying over you in Dumbledore's office. . . my heart broke practically, I was so shocked, I didn't know what to say, what to do. You owe me an explanation."  
  
Sirius said, with a mock sad face, "I'm so. . . touched!"  
  
Rowena rolled her eyes.  
  
"Well, you've made your point. Dumbledore told you about Bellatrix hitting me with the spell and me falling threw the veil right?", he stopped, waiting for Rowena to nod, then continued, "It hurt like Hell, as though it was sucking the soul out of my body. Though everyone was under the impression that the veil would bring about your death, but that isn't exactly true. It hasn't been used in many a century. What it does is it stops your heartbeat and your breathing, for how many hours it takes to replenish your wellbeing. So it gives the impression that you have died, but what it really is doing is stopping your body from working, as though time has stopped, so you can rest and rebuild what is lost."  
  
"Then shouldn't you look younger, Sirius?"  
  
He shot her glare, as though he was throwing daggers at her, and ignored her.  
  
She smirked, "So then what happened?"  
  
"Finally, I guess after a few days, I woke up. I was in the Department of Mysteries still, and no one had noticed I was alive. I wanted that way. So I changed into my Animagus form. You know, the dog. I ran out, and got out of the Ministry as soon as possible, so they wouldn't figure out anything. I felt so. . . new. Like I had just been born, and nothing had happened, and like I never dueled Bellatrix. Mind you, she wasn't that good. . .  
  
"Then, I came straight here, though I didn't want to, and I waited till about two in the morning, and then I sent him a message through Floo Powder, and told him everything. He was the one who explained the 'healing process' bit."  
  
Rowena stared at Sirius, watching him examine his feet.  
  
"Who else knows, besides Dumbledore?"  
  
"Remus. He saw me here, he had to pick up something. Dumbledore said it was alright. Remus was an awful liar, though. He talked to Harry, but he told me Harry yelled at him for not caring about my 'death'.", Sirius said, chuckling a little.  
  
Rowena looked pensive, and then asked, "Why did Dumbledore tell me you were dead? Why did he lie?"  
  
Sirius gaped at her, and said, "Honestly, you can't be that thick! Anyone could be listening! He could never tell anyone out loud about my being alive. If the Ministry found out, I would be back in Azkaban."  
  
"Yes, about the Ministry, why didn't they drag out your body? Why wasn't there a funeral?"  
  
Sirius laughed, saying, "They weren't aware that I was in the Ministry at the time. They still think I'm an enemy at large! They didn't look over the evidence in the Department until a week after the Voldemort incident, because they had to deal with the Death Eaters they caught, and I was gone by that time. No one who knew of my body dragged me out, because it would incriminate someone and would 'tamper with evidence'."  
  
"Oh, now I see.", Rowena answered slowly, things making much more sense than before.  
  
They were both quiet for a while. Rowena finally found a question that needed answering.  
  
"Why must Harry think you're dead?"  
  
Sirius frowned, his eyes softened, overflowing with pain.  
  
"It would endanger him. Voldemort thinks I'm dead, and so does Bellatrix, the old battleaxe. Even Voldemort isn't old enough to know the true nature of the veil. If he did know, he would've used it to regain his own power. And if Harry wants to fulfil the Prophecy to his advantage, killing Voldemort, neither can know I exist. As you must have figured out, Voldemort would use me to hurt Harry. Now Harry doesn't have any connections Voldemort knows of yet.  
  
"I remember just a few weeks ago, Harry tried to reach me with a two-way mirror I gave him. But Dumbledore had forbidden me any contact with Harry, so I had to ignore it. I broke the mirror. It was very tempting to talk to Harry, to tell him everything was alright, that I was ok, and that he didn't have to worry.", Sirius looked down dejectedly, "I wanted him to know that I was here, and I would always be here for him."  
  
Rowena's heart sank, watching Sirius break down. He was tormented by the thought of being able to see Harry, but knowing that if he did, Harry was in harm's way. She scooted over next to Sirius, putting her arms around him, saying ever so softly,  
  
"Things will work out, ok? Don't worry."  
  
She held Sirius for what seemed an eternity, wanting to be like the veil, healing him and ridding him of worry. Rowena suddenly felt the closeness of their friendship within a few minutes, the warmth of him being near her.  
  
Finally, Sirius broke away, unable to speak, looking at Rowena hopelessly. She gave the smallest smile, and said,  
  
"Once Harry defeats Voldemort, which could be very soon, you can talk to him, right?"  
  
As though the thought had never occurred to him, Sirius's face lit up and said, simply,  
  
"Yeah, that's right. I could. Anyway, where have you been, Rowena?"  
  
Rowena smiled, and told Sirius all about Nepal, the people she lived near, what she did, everything. . .that is, with the exception of her visions of Sirius as a raven. Sirius laughed at the thought of Rowena meditating, for she was very feisty and lively in his opinion.  
  
Rowena asked after a while, "Where's Remus?"  
  
Sirius jerked his head towards the stairs, "Sleeping. Like an infant. He would be glad to see you too."  
  
Rowena suddenly asked, yes, another question.  
  
"Why did Dumbledore allow me to know?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "What did you say to him?"  
  
"Well, he asked me if I wanted to stay at Hogwarts, and I told him there was someone I wanted to talk to, so he said, "Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place". He handed me this.", she said, holding up the silver unlighter. "Do you think he just wanted me to see Remus?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I think he knew very well you'd run into me. I mean, he might have plans for you, Dumbledore. . . it's no harm, really. Just don't tell anyone, no matter what. Because, if anyone finds out, even if it were a house-elf, it could endanger Harry." Rowena nodded.  
  
"That reminds me, where's Kreacher?"  
  
Sirius's face became sour and had a tinge of green.  
  
"Dumbledore sent him to live with Tonks, my cousin's daughter and a member of the Order. I feel bad for her. But Dumbledore did so because if he sent Kreacher to Narcissa, he'd blab all the Order's secrets to her, because, as I am 'dead', he does not have to obey me anymore. But Tonks has been trying to be kind to Kreacher, that filthy traitor, thanks to damn S.P.E.W.! He told Harry I was gone, and made him endanger his own life! He injured Buckbeak!"  
  
When he saw Rowena's confusion, he answered, "My hippogriff. It lives upstairs."  
  
Rowena laughed at this outright, "Are you sure Hagrid isn't your cousin, too?"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes, adding, "They're really gentle creatures, you know."  
  
Rowena scoffed, "Well, so are house-elves, but we've seen Kreacher!"  
  
"Indeed.", Sirius thought for a second and asked,  
  
"Rowena, are you hungry? Thirsty? Do you need anything?"  
  
"Just a bed. I'm exhausted! And I don't have much, so anything will do." She pointed to her small black bag.  
  
Sirius nodded, walking with her upstairs.  
  
"Pick a room, any room."  
  
She smiled, and took the one farthest away from Remus's room, for she could hear him snoring.  
  
"Where are all your robes?"  
  
Rowena sighed, saying, "Donated it to the "Help a Witch" foundation."  
  
Sirius added sarcastically, "How good of you."  
  
She smirked, "I know. I have such a big heart."  
  
They looked at each other for the longest time, and all of sudden laughed so hard, to the point where they were leaning on the wall to stop themselves from toppling over. Finally, they stopped themselves from having a seizure, and retired for the night.  
  
"G'night Rowena!"  
  
"G'night Sirius!"  
  
She laid down on the bed, hearing his footsteps down the hall to another bedroom. She heard a door open, and then a close. She felt the weight of her eyelids closing down, and slipped under the covers, feeling a bit chilly. She didn't realize it, and never remembered, but said softly before she went to sleep,  
  
"My love. . ." 


	4. Waking Up in the House of Black

Disclaimer: Just Rowena. . . JKR does this job better anyway  
  
*Rowena sat upon a stool in the Great Hall, hundreds of eyes fixated on her. A younger and more strict Professor McGonagall placed the black, withered, sooty Sorting Hat upon her head. Rowena could only see pitch black, and was thankful, for all the stares had started to make her blush.  
  
'Ah, you are quite daring, charismatic. . . erm, mature even. What a decision to make! I'm thinking Gryffindor, however you could have some friends in Slytherin. You are much too cunning for Hufflepuff, but not devious enough for Slytherin. And you aren't one to abide by rules, so Ravenclaw is out of the question. Enough! I've made my decision! GRYFFINDOR!'  
  
Rowena smiled at the Gryffindor table, as the hat had been removed from her head, and she could hear the cheering from the table of her new House. She walked energetically toward the table, her eye on a fellow First year, with black hair and a perfectly reckless grin upon his face. 'Good looking, no doubt.', Rowena thought. The boy all of a sudden turned his head toward her as she approached, giving a friendly smile. Rowena sat next to him. He turned toward her, and offered her his hand to shake. She took it, feeling slightly self-conscious.  
  
"Sirius Black. . . and you?", the boy said.  
  
"Rowena Flintwood, pleased to meet you."  
  
"This is Remus Lupin.", Sirius said, pointing to a boy with brown hair across from him. The Lupin boy seemed simply kind and kept to himself.  
  
"And this is James Potter.", Sirius added, jerking his head to boy with unruly black hair and glasses. This boy grinned at her, and Rowena could already sense he was going to be a troublemaker along with Sirius. *  
  
Rowena woke up. Feeling the slight ache of her joints, she yawned, pushing herself off the bed. She placed her feet on the stone cold floor, all of a sudden realizing someone was watching her. She could feel their presence.  
  
She turned around to find Remus looking at her, with the most serene look on his face, a soft smile. He, like Sirius, had changed as well. His brown hair now had greyish roots, and he too had circles under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were the same greenish-grey they had always been. He was an attractive man, but placed next to Sirius, you wouldn't even notice him. But he was always one Rowena could count on. He was kind and sincere, awfully good at calming a person down. He was sensitive, perhaps in the way Dumbledore was.  
  
"Remus!", she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. This could never happen with Sirius, for hugs meant someone needing comfort in his opinion. Remus reciprocated with a few laughs.  
  
"You didn't even see me, did you?"  
  
"Well. . . no. Isn't it a little early?", she said, looking outside her window, and noticing the sun was just rising.  
  
Remus shrugged, adding, "I wake early, I can't help it. So I decided to see how early you wake."  
  
Rowena laughed at the absurdity of this.  
  
"So I have to tell my favorite werewolf my life story?", she asked teasingly.  
  
He shook his head, grinning.  
  
"Sirius could not go to sleep last night. He was so excited about you being here. He told me every detail of what you both talked about. He really missed you, I guess. Nepal must have been great, you know, peaceful, quiet, serene. . ."  
  
"Like you?", Rowena added with a smile.  
  
"Well, not really. I may have been a prefect, but I was also a Marauder. You'd be kicked out if you were quiet, peaceful, or serene!"  
  
They both laughed.  
  
Remus suddenly looked worried, his eyes fell.  
  
Rowena leaned closer to him on the edge of the bed and asked,  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
Remus gave a tragic smile.  
  
"Well. . . it's just that. . . what if someone finds out about Sirius? At some point it will happen, and happen soon, and all the obsessive caution in the world can't change that. I don't mean to be negative, but we can't keep it a secret for long."  
  
She put her hand on his shoulder, while he sulked more.  
  
"Honestly, have some faith Remus! We're both trustworthy with secrets, and Sirius won't try to leave now."  
  
"You'd be surprised, Rowena. Even on Dumbledore's orders, he refuses to obey sometimes. I can understand, being stuck here, unable to leave knowing someone you care for immensely can be affected by it. Well, when it happens, I guess we'll deal with it then. I'm sure you'll be joining the Order, right?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely. But we'll have to fill Sirius in, won't we?"  
  
Remus sighed, "Well, he wants that. However, if we fill him in, he might be more inspired to leave, help out the Order.", he bit his lip, "But if you tell him, I bet he would listen. Now that you're staying here, I think he'll be much happier. I'm not enough, you know? Even though we're best friends, we can't laugh about things as much. . . you know, I was so depressed when he had. . . and then two days later, he was sitting in the living room, reading the Daily Prophet. And I never know if he's going to stay, or if he'll leave, or if he will pass away. It's so spontaneous. I don't how I can stand it."  
  
Rowena sighed, and pulled Remus on the bed next to her. He looked at her oddly, but let her do so.  
  
"Listen", she started, "You can't afford to worry like this. Sirius will be fine, as long as we both can be here for him. We shouldn't lose our minds like this! I mean, we should be glad and ecstatic that he's alive and that we can be with him, and that someday he can see his godson again. And Remus, you were always the calm one, now don't go off and lose your head! Don't you realize, that the day you came back from the Department of Mysteries, you didn't have any of your friends from Hogwarts? That they were all dead? Hell, Peter was dead when he joined Voldemort! Now, you still have Sirius with you, so let's enjoy it."  
  
Remus nodded slowly, taking in what she said. He had often been the one to talk sense into people and now he was sick of it. Rowena could see all of this.  
  
She patted him on the back, and after a while, got up and asked,  
  
"Where is the bath?"  
  
Remus pointed mutely to the room downstairs. Rowena took her wand and transfigured a towel out of midair. She smiled softly, being reminded of her Hogwarts days when she spent her time with Remus and Sirius in the Gryffindor common room, playing wizard chess, laughing, and the like. She suddenly remembered Severus Snape, on the way downstairs. He had been her only real friend out of Gryffindor. He was kind to her, and never called her Mudblood, despite Rowena's mum being a Muggle. They had gotten along so well, partly because they both were the top two students in Potions, and because they shared the belief that popularity was overrated.  
  
She walked into the dark marble shower, putting her fresh clothes and towel on a hook nearby. She felt the warm water on her shoulders, and she shivered, closing her eyes.  
  
*It was her Third year at Hogwarts and she realized she was running late to Transfiguration. She was working up in her mind what she would tell McGonagall, in such frustration, that she ran quite ungracefully into a taller boy, knocking the heavy Potions books he had out of his hands. She blushed, feeling so clumsy, and picked up the books off the floor. She noticed these books were much too advanced, even for a Seventh year. She handed them to the boy and saw his eyes were large and black, his hair was oily and lank, and, yes, he was hooknosed. He looked amused.  
  
"Don't you watch where you're going?"  
  
She gave him a sheepish smile, not knowing what to say.  
  
"Well, you know how it is to be late, I'm sure. McGonagall is going to eat me alive. . . I'm so sorry. Are you really studying those books, or just trying to impress some girl by giving the illusion you're brilliant?"  
  
The boy chuckled, "No, I really am studying them. Professor Virenst is taking things too slowly, and I thought I would take up some Potions reading during his class, you know, while he's lecturing. I've already learned the potions by heart. No point in wasting time."  
  
Rowena grinned, clearly impressed by this person.  
  
She extended her hand, "Rowena Flintwood."  
  
The boy looked at her oddly, saying, "I'm a Slytherin. . . and you're a Gryffindor. . ."  
  
"So?", she said with a smile.  
  
He reciprocated the smile, and took her hand to shake it.  
  
"Severus Snape."  
  
"Nice to meet you. Well, I better get going. . . you know McGonagall. See you around, Severus."  
  
She walked off toward the Transfigurations classroom, no longer caring that she was late, and unable to notice that Severus was just staring at her out of confusion. *  
  
A/N: I'm losing ideas of what to do with this. It would be greatly appreciated if you could give any of your thoughts, and I will certainly give you credit. 


	5. Immaturity

Disclaimer: I only own Rowena.  
  
A few weeks had passed in the house of Black, and the three were quite happy and content. Remus's doubts seemed to have withdrawn from his mind, and he became his calm, carefree self. Sirius was no longer so despondent and reminded Rowena so much of the Sirius at Hogwarts, pulling pranks and laughing with friends. As for Rowena, she regained the charisma and child-like glee from before she left for Nepal. They acted like they were teenagers again. Things went smoothly.  
  
However, Rowena's dreams started becoming more vivid, and her feelings from her dreams started transferring to present life. She became much more emotional, which could be good, but then could take her through many extreme emotions in a short period of time. Her ways in Nepal had taught her to keep herself cool and composed, but she was unable. Her dreams often turned to Sirius, and her feelings about him at the time. She found it to be a nightmare that her feelings about him in her dreams were now showing up while she greeted him in the morning, or cooked them dinner. . .  
  
"Honestly!", she thought to herself, "Get yourself together! You can't afford to be like this. It's just Sirius Black. . . just your old friend. Come on, stop this!"  
  
But the fact that he was "just Sirius Black" made her go mad. He was everything put into one person. She hoped that the feeling indeed would pass, and that with more mature dreams, this feeling would go away, and she would see him as just Sirius, not as this handsome, daring, good-hearted, and keen person she was thinking about.  
  
Rowena walked down-stairs and saw Sirius was making breakfast today. She grinned. This was an unlikely seen, and he must be very happy about something. She walked towards him silently, overlooking the eggs he was making and the sausage as well.  
  
"Good morning.", Sirius said coolly, shooting her grin.  
  
"How are you? You seem very pleased with yourself."  
  
Sirius just smiled to himself.  
  
"What?! What is it?!", Rowena asked in frustration.  
  
"Nothing! I'm just in a good mood, that is all."  
  
Remus suddenly ran down the steps, excitedly. He eyed Rowena and looked like he was about to laugh out loud, but stifled it. She ran into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. She looked normal, in fact, better than normal. So what were they laughing at?  
  
She dragged Remus up the stairs and into her room. She was angry, annoyed. . . how dare they not tell her what's going on! And with a quick scowl at Remus, she asked him sternly,  
  
"What are you both laughing at?"  
  
Remus eyed her warily with a small mischievous grin, and he replied,  
  
"Are you sure you want to know?"  
  
"Yes! Otherwise I'll go mad not knowing!"  
  
Remus was trying not to laugh, and his eyes glittered with this hidden knowledge.  
  
"Well. . . when you were sleeping last night, you must've been dreaming, because Sirius and I heard you talking. And when we walked in, you were tossing and turning and. . . you were calling out for Sirius."  
  
"So? I might've been scared or something."  
  
Remus sighed.  
  
"Oh no, you weren't scared. You sounded like you. . . wanted him. . . you know."  
  
Rowena gasped, and her jaw dropped. This was the last straw. She suddenly remembered her dream. She was looking out the window of Gryffindor common room, and she saw Sirius with another girl on the Quidditch Pitch, a blonde Ravenclaw, named Bebe. She loathed Bebe. Bebe practically threw herself at Sirius, and this often made Rowena clutch her wand. She was calling for Sirius to come back and, she guessed, forget Bebe's existence.  
  
Rowena's eyes suddenly glittered in brown malice. She glared at Remus and sat on the bed, feeling sick to her stomach. This was pure embarrassment, and made her feel like she, Remus, and Sirius were in Fifth year again.  
  
"You're so immature, Remus!"  
  
"Well it was sort of funny. I mean, you never showed any of that type of stuff towards anyone, especially Sirius. So it was like catching you red- handed. Mind you, we didn't laugh that much. Sirius was pleased that you showed some interest in him. He was starting to worry about you."  
  
"That's an awful thing to say!"  
  
"If I hear Sirius talking in his sleep, I'll call you, ok?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. All of a sudden, two grown men had taken decades off their life. It was like they were just out of Hogwarts and they were rooming together.  
  
Rowena was relieved to hear someone knocking at the door of the House of Black, only to realize that Sirius, who was supposed to be dead, was downstairs, waiting to be exposed.  
  
Remus and Rowena ran down the stairs, finding Sirius sitting down to eat. As he picked up his fork, Rowena grabbed his arm and pulled him up the stairs, just as she did with Remus minutes earlier, and threw him on his bed.  
  
"I didn't know you wanted this so bad, Rowena dear.", Sirius said with yet another grin.  
  
She shot him a look of pure rage and spat, "Stay here! Don't make a sound!"  
  
She ran down the steps, Remus in front of her, and he opened the door.  
  
In all his greasy-haired, hook-nosed glory stood Severus Snape.  
  
Remus said, with the most professional voice,  
  
"Hello, Severus. What brings you here?"  
  
"Lupin, I'm here to give Ms. Flintwood a message from Dumbledore. Care to move out of my way?"  
  
Rowena heard this and ran to the couch, out of Snape's view.  
  
Remus coolly moved to the side, looking at Snape like he was some foreign matter. Snape briskly walked to the couch, where Rowena pretended to be reading a magazine on broomsticks. She looked up, and saw Snape's eyes less cold than before.  
  
She stood quickly, "Hello, Severus. How've you been?"  
  
He answered lazily, though his face gave him away. He was surprised and pleased to see her.  
  
"Not much has changed. I am the Potions professor at Hogwarts. I have been in the Order for some time. Dumbledore wants to inform you of when the meetings are." He handed her an envelope.  
  
She smiled, "Ah. Is that all?"  
  
"Also, Dumbledore wants you to come up to the school sometime in the morning tomorrow. He needs to talk to you. And he asked me to accompany you tomorrow. Be ready at nine o'clock sharp."  
  
She nodded, still smiling. At least SOMEONE could be mature.  
  
Snape added, as an afterthought, "How was Nepal?"  
  
"It was fine, Severus."  
  
For a few minutes they didn't speak. Snape just kept staring at her, and she daringly stared back. What was he looking for? She wasn't hiding anything. . . except her friend in a bedroom upstairs, who was supposedly dead.  
  
"I can't waste any more time, Rowena. Make sure you are not ready any later than nine o'clock."  
  
She nodded and opened the door. Snape walked out, a little flustered.  
  
Rowena looked to Remus, who was trying not to laugh, but merely listened as Sirius ran down the stairs, saying,  
  
"I hope Snivellus doesn't drool over you next time he sees you."  
  
Sirius did not even say this good-naturedly. His face was sour and pale, his eyes glowering, and his body stiff. He was annoyed.  
  
Rowena didn't understand. Severus was being civil. . .that didn't mean he was in the least bit interested in her, she just never was mean to him.  
  
"That isn't fair, Sirius!", Rowena reprimanded.  
  
"Mark my words. Soon enough he will fancy you to the point where you'll go mad. He was always crazy about you back in the day."  
  
Rowena sighed and rolled her eyes, for what seemed the fiftieth time that day. Under his breath, Sirius added to Remus without her knowledge,  
  
"It was because he crushed on her that I couldn't stand him, mate." 


	6. The Meeting

Disclaimer: Rowena is mine. . .that's all.  
  
Rowena woke at six o'clock that morning, feeling aches throughout her body, and she drowsily made her way downstairs, and put some boiling water on the stove for her tea. She took a quick bath, feeling somewhat excited about the meeting she would have with Dumbledore later that day. She quietly inched into Remus's room, and into the closet, looking for some wizarding robes, since men's and women's were practically the same. She wanted to look professional for this. She left somewhat noisily, hearing a mumbled "Who's that?" from Remus, only for him to fall back into snoring.  
  
She drank her tea quietly downstairs, thinking about what Dumbledore might have to say, then her thoughts changing to ones about Sirius. She smiled. He, indeed, was her reason for living. He made her life interesting, he made her life a life. Being in Nepal. . . that wasn't life to her. Hogwarts with Sirius was life. Living with Sirius and Remus in this damned house was life. She felt so alive when she was with them, they actually had fun, something they doubted they'd have when they were adults.  
  
Rowena finally finished her cup of tea, shaking herself out of these reminiscent thoughts. She ran back up to her room, looking through the small black bag which held all her possessions. She found her paddle hair- brush, and started brushing through the thick, tangled locks which were a red-ish dark brown. Apart from looking a little tired she was ok. Her brown eyes looked like they had seen too much. All of a sudden she looked at her nose, noticing a piercing she had done after a few years in Nepal. Menakshi talked her into it. She smiled, finding a ruby stud nose ring in her bag. She put it on, smiling rebelliously at herself.  
  
"This is youth, huh?", she thought jokingly.  
  
Rowena looked back at the clock next to her mirror. Seven-thirty. Time was slow, for some reason.  
  
She walked down softly, slowly, letting time pass her by, so that maybe it would be nine soon. She felt her wand in her pocket, everything was set. She sat on the couch, sighing to herself, feeling lonely, and perhaps a little sad. What if she had to see Snape on a daily basis? Would Sirius maintain his stubborn, angry behavior? Remus was no issue. He had a sensible head on his shoulders, unable to let childhood qualms and disagreements bother him.  
  
Rowena glanced at the clock in the kitchen. Seven-forty. She heaved another sigh, and all of sudden noticed something on the stairs. Sirius was watching her, and not even in his Animagus form. She smirked at him, asking in mock delight,  
  
"Would you like to sit down, Sirius?"  
  
His eyes were as weary as an old screen door. He walked down to her and sat next to her, looking at her up and down.  
  
"Dressing up for Snivellus?", he asked in a taunting manner.  
  
"Actually, it's for Dumbledore, perhaps my taste is a tad older.", she retorted, upset that Sirius could act so childish.  
  
Sirius smiled, noticing her tongue never suffered in Nepal.  
  
"Why are you so immature, Sirius? Everyone else has left their Hogwarts teenage problems behind."  
  
"Snape hasn't.", he replied defiantly.  
  
"I don't see why you are shying away from the ability to be the better man. You always thought you were better, even when you were worse. You could be such an. . . ignorant git."  
  
He rolled his eyes, still looking like he needed several more hours of sleep. And then he stared at her for a few moments, adding,  
  
"I never knew you had a nose ring!"  
  
She smiled, "Being perfect in Nepal annoyed me. Someone told me I should get one."  
  
He grinned, "It suits you."  
  
"Thanks." She laughed.  
  
Rowena, unaware of what she was doing, ran her fingers through Sirius's jet black hair, absent mindedly trying to smooth out the kinks. He just looked at her, his face looking somewhat gaunt. Inwardly, she shivered. He ought to have taken better care of himself lately. Sure, he often looked happy, the circles under his eyes were vanishing, making him look much like he did years before.  
  
"You need sleep. Go back to bed.", she said suddenly, sounding much like the mother Sirius never had. She had her hand on his cheek, the bones practically sticking out, his eyes drowsy. He smiled, placing his hand on top of hers, which was still on his cheek. They both smiled, suddenly aware that this had been a rare moment in which neither was being sarcastic or joking. This was natural.  
  
All of a sudden Rowena heard a restless rapping knock at the door. She jerked her hand away from Sirius, who looked highly displeased, from the scowl upon his face. Rowena glanced at the kitchen clock, which clearly read nine o'clock.  
  
She heard Sirius mutter under his breath,  
  
"Damned bloody Slytherins! Never let you have a moment!"  
  
She smiled to herself. He actually cared that what little time they had spent together was being interrupted.  
  
"Go to sleep, please?", she desperately whispered to him.  
  
Sirius nodded, whispering back, "Don't let him take advantage of you!"  
  
She gave him an encouraging grin.  
  
Sirius ran up the stairs into her room, while Rowena walked towards the door, waiting until her friend shut the door of his room. She opened the front door, finding Snape looking at her with. . . some look she could not decipher.  
  
"Severus.", she said, nodding to him.  
  
"Rowena.", he said, nodding back.  
  
She took the somewhat peevish professor into the house.  
  
"We shall Apparate. Then, we will walk the rest of the way.", Severus said in a mechanical sort of voice.  
  
They both turned their wand toward themselves, muttering incantations under their breath. Suddenly both of them were in a grassy field, a mile away from Hogwarts. They walked for a few minutes in silence, until Rowena looked to Severus, who was looking quite pensive. The sunlight was glinting warmly in his black eyes, which happened to have silver facets.  
  
"What are you thinking about, Severus?", Rowena asked in bored curiosity.  
  
"Why should it concern you at all? Gryffindor mentality. . . that curiosity is a helpful thing. . .", Severus lashed back.  
  
Rowena refused to answer. Indeed, he still seemed bitter about his schooling days, just as Sirius had predicted.  
  
"If you must know, I was absolutely puzzled at how you can live with a werewolf with no spine.", Severus said, his voice slightly less abrasive.  
  
Rowena felt irate at this. How could he insult Remus, the one who treated him with civility and integrity? Just because Remus wasn't argumentative over every little thing, did not make him someone who could not stand up for himself.  
  
"Well, if you MUST know, Severus, I find it better than living with a permanently apathetic, bitter, favoritist Slytherin Potions teacher.", Rowena answered coolly.  
  
She looked at Severus, feeling pleased to put him in his place, for he did not say anything else. However, she could see a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  
  
"At least he has some sense of humor.", Rowena thought to herself.  
  
~*************************~  
  
Before Rowena knew it, they were in Dumbledore's office. Rowena looked to his desk, glancing at Fawkes in his golden cage, lovely in his red plumage. Dumbledore himself looked a lot better. His silver hair was not scraggly and unkempt like it was the night a few weeks ago, his eyes had the cheery spark she was used to. She smiled. If Dumbledore was improving, the rest of the wizards and witches would too.  
  
Dumbledore smiled kindly at her and Snape.  
  
"Please sit down, Severus, Rowena."  
  
They heeded Dumbledore, and sat down in the two chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.  
  
"Rowena, perhaps you are not aware why have called you here today."  
  
"No, Professor. Though it is good to see you. You look much more at ease."  
  
Snape looked revolted. Rowena refused to notice.  
  
"Thank you. I am improving. Now, I find it a challenge to hire a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher each year. I do remember how well you did in your Dark Arts O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s, Rowena, and how naturally the curriculum came to you. You had even better scores than James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black."  
  
Rowena distinctly heard a snort from Snape.  
  
"Professor, you aren't suggesting that I would be good for the position?", she asked, horrified.  
  
"Indeed, Albus, I have always been qualified for it! I have applied every year, and you never seemed to be aware that I am more suitable than many. . . others you have chosen.", Snape eagerly voiced.  
  
Dumbledore sighed, placing his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose.  
  
"Severus. . .we have talked about this before. You are a suitable Potions teacher, and that is a position that befits you. Rowena, you often demonstrated for the other pupils in class your hexes, curses, and such. Do not tell me you are unable to teach and that you are nervous around others. Since you are back in England, why would you not take the position?"  
  
Rowena looked down, feeling Snape's and Dumbledore's eyes upon her being. Dumbledore had always been kind to her in school, and when she got in trouble, he managed to help her out. He had sent her straight to Sirius when she was in pain from his alleged death, instead of letting her believe the benevolent lie, which might have been for the better. He was fair to her, her whole life, and he talked to her when she had childhood problems as well. The least she could do was help him out this one time. It was her duty.  
  
"Professor, I suppose I can take the position. . . that is, on one condition, if it can be done."  
  
"Yes?", Dumbledore inquired sagely.  
  
"Well,", she looked to Snape, who bored into her eyes, "I request that Severus help me with the curriculum and such, for I am not experienced yet with such duties. That is, if you don't mind, Severus."  
  
Snape's cold eyes became elated and he looked like he could almost embrace her.  
  
"I will help you, Rowena."  
  
"Very well then.", said a serene Dumbledore, "I cannot see why not."  
  
They were all silent for a short while.  
  
"Well, Severus, if you don't mind, I would like a few words with Rowena. You may leave."  
  
As Snape turned to go, Dumbledore suddenly added,  
  
"Thank you for escorting Rowena to Hogwarts, Severus, though I didn't ask it of you. It was a kind gesture."  
  
Rowena quickly turned her head towards Snape, who looked away, his face flushing. She grinned.  
  
Dumbledore and Rowena did not speak until they heard Snape shut the door. Dumbledore quickly did a Soundproofing Spell, much like the ones used at Order meetings. Finally, Dumbledore started.  
  
"Rowena, the significant reason I wanted you as the Dark Arts teacher is that, well, I trust Harry with you. He will need extra training, as he knows about the Prophecy. I will handle the Occlumency lessons, as Severus is very private, no doubt."  
  
"Indeed, Professor."  
  
"So, how is Sirius? And Remus? And you?"  
  
Rowena smiled, "We're all fine. I think it's good we're all together."  
  
"Is that so? Wonderful!"  
  
"It really gave me a jolt seeing him there, Professor. It's saddening that the one who needs him the most can't know he's here."  
  
Dumbledore nodded gravely, "It is a tough time for Harry. Such trials fill our lives, Rowena, and we must deal with them."  
  
Rowena sighed, feeling cold and alone.  
  
"I don't know how I'll stand not seeing them every day. I will miss them desperately."  
  
"Since you are not a Head of House, Rowena, you are allowed to go on weekends if you'd like."  
  
"Yes. I suppose. By the way, has Remus been making his own potion to, you know, because the full moon is coming up. . ."  
  
"Actually, no. Severus makes him the potion and sends it in batches before the night of the full moon."  
  
"That's good. Well, Professor, anything else?"  
  
"Rowena, I know this will be hard, but try not to get too attached to Sirius. He is very spontaneous. He had luck with him at the Department of Mysteries."  
  
Rowena's heart sank, "Yes, Professor."  
  
"You may call me Albus, as you are officially part of the staff. Make sure to attend the Order meetings. We have a different location each week, for I find it much safer and better that way. You will need to be here two weeks prior to the first day of school. Perhaps you should go to the Burrow, the Weasleys' home, to meet Harry, as you will give him extra teaching. Best to have made his acquaintance so he will be more comfortable. I will send you a letter with Severus to inform you of when to see Harry."  
  
"Alright. . . Albus."  
  
Dumbledore smiled. Rowena was left to smile back, feeling insecure about meeting the "Boy who Lived". What kind of person would he be? How would she comfort him about Sirius?  
  
"I will see you at the next Order meeting, Rowena."  
  
"Goodbye, Albus."  
  
She left his office immediately, running out of Hogwarts Castle, towards the green field she had Apparated to earlier. However, right when she started the incantations for Apparating, Snape ran up to her with a flask of this smoking greenish-brown liquid. He handed her the container carefully. She gave him a questioning look.  
  
"For Lupin. The full moon is tonight."  
  
She smirked, "Another kind gesture. First, you escort me here like a gentleman. Now, you're giving me a potion for someone you despise, knowing it will only do him good."  
  
Snape sneered in a shrewd manner.  
  
"I wouldn't want him to attack that pretty little head of yours in his werewolf form. It's gotten you so far. I am only being civil."  
  
Her face was sour, though she didn't realize it. These were the times she loathed being a woman. Men were always under the impression that you would get ahead in life because of how delicate and lovely you were. Rowena, however, prided herself on her scars, her skills, her sharp wit, and her insusceptibility to harsh conditions. Bebe Juniper was proof that women didn't get ahead based on looks. Last Rowena heard, Bebe was working at some wizarding pub, serving wizards and witches alike firewhiskey and butterbeers in tankards. And she was even more ravishing than Lily Potter. At least, Sirius used to say so.  
  
Giving a vicious "hmph!" to Snape, Rowena Apparated back to the House of Black, still rattled by a certain Slytherin's comments. 


	7. Harry

Disclaimer: I own Rowena, yes, but no one else.  
  
*Rowena was sitting in the Three Broomsticks in her Third year. She really did not feel like being in Hogsmeade that day. Dumbledore had told her something awful that morning, and watching others have so much fun while she was alone, brooding on what happened, did not make her feel any better. James, Sirius, and Remus were drinking butterbeers at another table, discussing, no doubt, how to cause more trouble. Peter had been sick that day from something he ate, and was most likely with Madam Pomfrey.  
  
Rowena looked over at Sirius, watching those hazel eyes glitter with roguishness. Sometimes, she wished she could cause some trouble with them, get away, do something rebellious. Yet, the Marauders were very keen on keeping the pranks and such between them, and made sure no one else was involved. Sure, Rowena and Sirius were friends, but were more like the kind who share jokes in Gryffindor common room, lend notes, or help each other out with studies.  
  
Suddenly, Rowena caught Sirius's eye, and he flashed her a grin. She couldn't help but smile all of a sudden. Sirius walked over to her table, followed curiously by James and Remus. Rowena looked up at them, wondering what was in their minds.  
  
"Why are you so sad, Flintwood? Does Malfoy have a crush on someone else?"  
  
Rowena's aghast expression must have been priceless, for the three Marauders laughed like the concept of laughter was new to them. Rowena glared at the trio with blatant malice. Finally, the laughter actually stopped, and she thought it was because the joke had become old. However, that was not the case.  
  
Severus had approached the table, holding a book in his hands, and Rowena knew he had wanted to talk to her. Sirius, James, and Remus all glared at him. Severus sneered back. Rowena was the only one who wasn't having any negative feelings. James was about to open his mouth, most likely to insult Snape and make him go away. Rowena cut him off.  
  
"Hey Snape, what's up?", Rowena said bluntly, giving James a look that stated "don't".  
  
"I found this Potions book. . . thought you would find it useful on the essay Virenst assigned, Flintwood.", Snape replied icily, warily eyeing the daring Gryffindor boys. He handed her a heavy, old, royal-blue volume.  
  
"Thanks, Snape. I'll return it to you later."  
  
"See you, Flintwood."  
  
And with that, Severus left the table dramatically, his robes whipping around him.  
  
"I had a good one! Why did you cut me off?", James protested.  
  
"Yeah, what is it with you and Snape anyway?", Sirius added, joining James.  
  
Rowena sighed, "It would have been uncomfortable for me if you had, indeed, insulted him. Honestly, you would only do so because he's a Slytherin. He never said anything to you. He isn't an archenemy of yours. I hate it when you make fun of Snape just because he isn't like you, Mr. I'm-the-best- seeker-ever! And, you, Sirius. . . you have no right to treat him badly, just because many of these stupid girls throw themselves at you. It isn't really honorable at all. Just because he's unpopular? Please. The only reason popularity works in your favor is because of shallow things. And you, Remus! Don't you have any sense to stop them? This isn't right of you all, just because you're Gryffindors."  
  
Rowena was boiling in fury. She wasn't popular; Lily Potter was the only female friend she had, and they barely talked about anything besides school and such. Sirius was one of those "oh, hi!" sort of friends for Rowena. Yeah, they talked, but mostly about insubstantial things. She didn't care much for James, he was way too arrogant. Remus. . . Remus was sometimes the shoulder to cry on, but if he was with the Marauders. . . don't expect much. The fact that Rowena wasn't popular bothered her because if she were a Slytherin, Sirius and Remus, who were friends with her now, would make fun of her.  
  
"Who cares, Rowena? Snape's gonna end up a Death Eater! Do you want to be friends with someone like that?", James said.  
  
"Let me tell you something. You're doing the same thing a Death Eater would: treating someone unfairly for something they can't control. For you, it's popularity and looks, what not. For Death Eaters, it's pure blood, or lack thereof, and it's power. People need to be judged by their character, and so far, Snape's been fair to me, so why should I not be respectful in turn?"  
  
The three gaped at her, obviously stunned by what she said.  
  
"Now if you're going to continue having this bastard mentality, guys, I really have no reason to talk to you. If I were in Slytherin, you would make fun of me too, because, by your standards, I am not worthy of your acceptance.", Rowena said brutally.  
  
Three jaws dropped. Rowena looked fiercely into each pair of eyes, ready to leave them if they acted so foolishly.  
  
"Alright, we won't do it again.", the Marauders said in unison, dejected from her words.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Now, what were you so sad about before?", Remus asked thoughtfully.  
  
Rowena eyed them all cautiously, especially James. She didn't feel comfortable with him knowing such a personal issue. Sirius and Remus could understand, perhaps even relate, but James. . .well, she had viciously chastised him, so it might be better for him to know as well. If Peter was there, she wouldn't even consider saying a word. She loathed Peter, she knew he wasn't worth trusting, and he leeched off the popularity of James and Sirius. That bothered her the most.  
  
"Alright, but you can't tell Peter, no matter what. He can't know."  
  
The three nodded.  
  
"So tell us.", James said softly.  
  
Rowena leaned in. This was a matter of secrecy, and she was trusting the Marauders. Perhaps she had gone mad.  
  
"Dumbledore asked me to see him this morning. He said it was important. I walked in, sat down. And. . .", she sighed, taking in another breath, "he told me that my father. . .he's. . .he's in Azkaban."  
  
She bit her lip, avoiding the boys' eyes.  
  
"What's he in for?", Sirius asked in whisper.  
  
"H-he's a. . . he's a. .", she gulped, "Death Eater. He killed five muggles, three wizards, and two witches. I don't know who, but the wizards and witches were either muggle-born or half-bloods. He's been charged rather heavily, and in a few months, they might administer the. . . Dementor's kiss. I really couldn't believe it you know, my dad he was so. . . moral, noble. My dad spoke against Voldemort, all the time, but maybe he was scared into serving him. I just. . . there's so much proof against him. They had multiple witnesses. There is no doubt that he committed the murders. His house was taken away by the Ministry, so there's no way I can stay there. I have no uncles, no aunts, no grandparents. My mum was a muggle, may she rest in peace, but her family shunned us. Dumbledore says I can stay at Hogwarts over the summer, but I really don't want to. I guess I have no choice, though."  
  
Rowena's eyes were starting to water, but it was not over her living arrangements. It was because the only man she ever trusted, besides Dumbledore, was a killer, a liar, a coward, one who joined Voldemort. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to give a damn about her father anymore. She wanted think stuff like, "Well, the bastard deserved it." But she still cared about him. She loved her father, dearly, for he had always treated her like she was a princess, an angel, his daughter. She was his only child, and since her mother died after she gave birth, Rowena was much closer to her father than most bonds between father and child were.  
  
Sirius had the most solemn look on his face. He and Remus scooted close to both sides of her, and enveloped her in an embrace, which gave the warmest comfort of all: friendship. After they had hugged her, James put his arms around her shoulders and held her too, in a brotherly fashion, which Rowena wasn't expecting.  
  
"I've met your dad. It never occurred to me that. . . this would happen. You can stay with us over the summer. Mum and Dad won't mind.", James offered.  
  
"Better yet, you can stay with me, my mother would like that.", Remus put in.  
  
"Well, she might as well stay with me. My mum's a battleaxe, my dad a crackpot fool, and my brother is a git like no other. It will be fun to see Mum lose it. I'll protect you, don't worry.", Sirius said with a grin.  
  
Rowena laughed at this.  
  
"None of this will be necessary. I don't mind staying at Hogwarts, really. It just will feel a tad. . .strange."  
  
"Hey, let me get you a butterbeer.", Remus said.  
  
"No, I'm alright.", Rowena protested.  
  
"I insist. It'll make you feel better."  
  
And so the day went on, with James, Sirius, Remus, and Rowena talking, laughing. For that short amount of time, Rowena felt like a Marauder.*  
  
Rowena woke up.  
  
~**************************~  
  
Rowena and Remus were heading to their Order meeting, which was being held at the Burrow this time. It was evening, towards dinner time. Rowena was wearing one of Sirius's robes, which were a blackish blue. Remus was wearing his forest green robes, heavily patched.  
  
Remus was smiling to himself, shaking his head.  
  
"What?", Rowena said through a short laugh.  
  
"Well, you haven't told Sirius about how you're working with Severus. I was just thinking about what would happen when you did tell him."  
  
"Really, Remus, there isn't anything to think about. Hell will break loose, and Sirius will go mad. We'll ultimately send him to St. Mungo's, where people will send him children's birthday cards, and he will make Gilderoy Lockhart look as sane as Dumbledore."  
  
Remus chortled, which was very unlike him. He never just let loose and laughed in his adult years. Rowena joined him. The thought of Sirius Black in the Senility Ward of St. Mungo's was beyond hysterical.  
  
"But, seriously Rowena, how did you manage to offer Severus to help you out with the Dark Arts job? He was really difficult to deal with when I taught there three years ago. I don't see how he will be any different now, even though you were nice to him at Hogwarts. I am afraid he will criticize you to the bitter end."  
  
"Let him!", Rowena scoffed, "He'll wish he never criticized me. . .that is, if the criticism he gives isn't fair."  
  
"Honestly, you are natural at teaching and you don't even realize it. You were better at that class than I was, and I managed well enough as a teacher. Trust me, Rowena, you don't need Severus's help."  
  
"You know, you ought to have the position! Damn that Umbridge, the old battleaxe, she's caused you so much trouble! You deserve to have the same job opportunities as everyone else. That Ministry of Magic is much too powerful for its own good.", she thought for a second, adding, "You know if Voldemort killed Umbridge, I wouldn't chastise him for it."  
  
"Aren't you taking this a bit far. Though Dolores Umbridge is one of my least liked people in the world, I wouldn't go so far as to talk about how Voldemort could kill her and not mind.", Remus cut in wisely.  
  
Rowena shrugged.  
  
They were quickly approaching the Burrow and did not talk much until they entered the door. You could tell this was a Weasley house, for all the odd attachments to the house, but more so from all the flaming redheads around. She walked into their living room, noticing the old, mismatched furniture and pictures.  
  
"Molly, Arthur, so good to see you!", Rowena said, offering her hand to shake.  
  
"Rowena, where were you all these years?", Molly asked curiously. Arthur was behind his wife, just as eager to hear Rowena reply.  
  
"Nepal.", Rowena answered simply, before being forced into a tight hug by the motherly woman who was several years senior to Rowena.  
  
"Well, Rowena, you definitely don't look a day older than when we saw you years ago!", Arthur said, only to receive an alarming look from Molly. Rowena laughed, but stopped herself when Molly turned to her.  
  
Remus had been extremely quiet at Rowena's side, just nodding and smiling, avoiding any conversation.  
  
Rowena eyed a young woman around the age of twenty with spiky, pink hair. She grinned at the girl, and walked up to her.  
  
"Oh, so you're Rowena Flintwood! Dumbledore told us you were taking the Dark Arts position. Wicked nosering! Never expected that! I'm Tonks, by the way.", the girl said quickly, extending her hand.  
  
Rowena shook it, and said, "I've heard about you from Remus. I hope Kreacher isn't giving you too hard a time."  
  
Tonks rolled her eyes, changing the color from brown to green.  
  
"He's a pain, but it has to be dealt with."  
  
"So you're a morphmagus? Wow. I've never met one."  
  
Tonks smiled, "Well, today's your lucky day!"  
  
Rowena walked around some more meeting other Aurors, like Kingsley and Mad-Eye Moody. Molly quickly grabbed Rowena by the arm, dragging her around to where many of the young redheads were sitting, hanging out much like Rowena did when she was their age.  
  
"That's Bill.", Molly gestured to her twenty-something son with a ponytail. He smiled at Rowena.  
  
"They, Heaven help us, are the twins: Fred and George.", she unenthusiastically pointed to identical boys wearing dragon-skin jackets, both giving the same trouble-making grin that James and Sirius were famous for years ago.  
  
"That's Ginny, the girl of the family.", Molly cocked her head towards a cute girl, mid-teens, with a head of long, flaming, scarlet hair.  
  
"That's . . .", Molly was about to gesture at a gangly boy sitting next to a girl with bushy brown hair, the girl clearly not a Weasely.  
  
"Ron, right?", Rowena said confidently. Molly was obviously happy that Rowena knew.  
  
"Yes! He's a prefect, on the Quidditch team. A wonderful child.", she said in a singsong voice.  
  
Ron's ears went red, and the twins were evilly snickering.  
  
Rowena said, "Being prefect is an honor, Ron. . . if you're a perfectionist."  
  
All the Weasleys, excluding Molly, laughed. The girl with bushy hair was not amused, and Rowena chose to cash on this.  
  
"Oh, so you're also a prefect, Hermione?"  
  
Everyone started laughing heavily, again excluding Molly.  
  
Rowena smiled, "I'm just kidding, no need for a row. Dumbledore speaks highly of you both. I just guessed."  
  
Ron and Hermione were sitting quite close to each other, almost too close. They were clearly an item. They beamed at Rowena.  
  
"Well, if you've heard of both Ron and Hermione, this one won't need an introduction.", Molly said, and was talking of the lanky black-haired boy looking very solemn.  
  
Rowena walked towards the son of James and Lily. He has every reason to be sad and serious. He knew about the Prophecy. He was taking it quite well.  
  
"Wow, you really look like. . ."  
  
"Yeah, James, my dad. . . I know.", Harry said grimly.  
  
No one in the room was surprised. Molly whispered in Rowena's ear, but Rowena could tell Harry knew the content of her words.  
  
"He's been like this since Sirius died."  
  
Rowena ignored this. She felt for Harry. People treating you like a bomb waiting to go off. . . ever since people read the Daily Prophet and saw Rowena's dad was in Azkaban, people were sure she'd take the same path as him.  
  
"Harry, you remind me more of your mum, as far as actions and morals go.", Rowena said without wavering.  
  
Harry looked up at her and softened.  
  
"Yeah, from what Dumbledore tells me about you, Harry, you've got only the best of your mother and father."  
  
Molly announced dinner right after this statement.  
  
"I'm not hungry.", Harry and Rowena said in unison.  
  
"Nonsense, you will eat. . .", Molly put in sternly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Molly, but there are more important things than eating dinner. Harry and I will just get acquainted, and we'll be back soon."  
  
Harry looked relieved. Molly simply nodded, forcing the Weasely children and Hermione to the dinner table.  
  
Harry and Rowena found their way to the back door, to enter the backyard and take a walk.  
  
Once they were far enough from the house, Harry started,  
  
"So, were you a Gryffindor?"  
  
Rowena smiled, "Yes, but that doesn't really matter. I mean, it's fine to have pride within your House, but I find it kind of foolish for that to be the basis of friendship. How can you judge someone just by what House they're in and what walls they put up so you can't see who they really are?"  
  
"You have a point. Since you're the new Dark Arts teacher, you must know about the Occlumency lessons and all, right? Dumbledore must've told you, because he says you're going to train me."  
  
Rowena nodded, "Were you going to say something concerning Occlumency? Did something odd happen?"  
  
Harry continued, "Well, I was having the lessons with Snape, right? So, one day I saw his Pensieve was left out on his desk. Snape was out, dealing with some student. So, I shouldn't have done this but I really wanted to know, I went inside the Pensieve and I saw his worst memory. And I really understood Snape for the first time ever. I saw people I cared about acting. . . differently than I would have thought. But Snape caught me, and I knew I should have never invaded his thoughts. So that was the end of Occlumency."  
  
Harry looked guilty, and not just about the Pensieve.  
  
"Harry, I think I know what happened. I wasn't there. But James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius all gave me a version." Rowena cleared throat angrily  
  
"But Mr. Weasely said you were friends with Snape!"  
  
Rowena shook her head, "Harry, what did I tell you about the Houses? They never mattered to me. Snape and I were top potions students. We got along mostly because of that. And I was friends with Sirius and Remus, not so much your father, he was a little too different from myself. Peter. . .I never trusted him. I was also friends with Lily. About Severus, we had a mutual respect, not so much a friendship, but we could share a joke. I never let your dad or Sirius insult him in my presence. But I couldn't stop what happened when I wasn't around. If I was there that day in Fifth year, Harry, trust me, you would have never seen it in the Pensieve. Did you ever apologize?"  
  
"No.", Harry said bitterly, "When Sirius. . . I didn't care afterwards. Snape can hate me. I don't care anymore."  
  
"I can't blame you. Sirius. . . was great. It was such a shame I could not see him after he broke out. I was in Nepal for many years, because Severus told me the Death Eaters who were not charged knew I was in the Order. I returned almost a month ago. Now, I'm living with Remus."  
  
Harry scoffed.  
  
"What, Harry?"  
  
"He never cared about Sirius dying, that's all. He treats it like it was the inevitable."  
  
"Kid, he can't mourn in public. He has to remain calm in front of everyone. He's the rock everyone depends on, he can't show his weakness. Plus, Sirius went the way he wanted. And it was because of Sirius being gone that Dumbledore told you the truth and that he lets you sit in at Order meetings."  
  
Rowena was perfectly aware that she was lying about some things, but these were benevolent lies. Ones that protected Harry.  
  
"Were you and Sirius only friends, Ms. Flintwood?"  
  
"Honestly, Harry, call me Rowena, unless we're in class. But what do you mean, 'only friends'? Are you asking if we were ever like your Ron and Hermione?"  
  
"How'd you know?!"  
  
"A blind man can tell, Harry."  
  
"Well, I guess that's what I mean.", Harry said uncomfortably.  
  
"To be honest, Harry, sometimes I let my imagination get the better of me, but. . . we never were anything really. I mean, it was nothing beyond. . . infatuation. I didn't want to be like the rest of the girls at Hogwarts who went crazy over Sirius, and Sirius didn't want to treat me the way he treated other girls. It was for the sake of respect and recognizing the uniqueness of each other that we were only friends."  
  
Rowena was surprised she could be so open with someone she just met and who was so much younger than her. Harry had that effect. . .perhaps it was because he was so open about the Pensieve and his opinions.  
  
"Rowena, why didn't you just tell me off for asking about Sirius and you?"  
  
Rowena laughed. "He's your godfather, Harry. You're allowed to know. Had it been someone else. . .they would've lost their head. "  
  
Harry grinned. Rowena thought, "Finally."  
  
"But why are you, Harry, so comfortable in telling me things after such a short amount of time?"  
  
Harry shrugged, "I don't know. . . I don't mean to burden you. I just. . .maybe it's because you knew my parents and Sirius. How could you get along with Snape? I'm still don't get it."  
  
Rowena sighed. "He was kind to me. Well, as kind as he could afford. And he agreed to help me with the Dark Arts class."  
  
"WHAT?!", Harry yelled, looking highly alarmed.  
  
"No, no, no. . . he won't teach you at all. Just with curriculum. Don't be so horrified. I would never let him teach you. He has the flaw of judging students by parentage and House. By that temper, you remind me more of Sirius than anyone."  
  
Rowena smiled at him. Harry's face fell into relief.  
  
"How was my dad too different for you to be friends with?"  
  
"Well, I wouldn't tell you, but you've already looked in Snape's Pensieve, so you must know what I'm talking about. It wasn't till my last year at Hogwarts that I found him easy to get along with. He was arrogant, he didn't respect anyone except Sirius and Remus. And me, sometimes. Your mother and your father weren't on speaking terms until their latter years in Hogwarts. I didn't hate your dad, not at all, but he was just. . . not my type of person. I told him off a lot. But you. . . you're quite different. If it had been you years ago in the Marauders, you wouldn't have done those awful things to Severus. The Marauders would be brilliant. If only that blasted Potions master knew so."  
  
Harry looked pleased somewhat about the comment Rowena made on his character.  
  
"It was bloody awful to see my dad act like such a git. He thought he was so cool, but that was still no reason to treat people the way he did. I'm glad my mum wasn't anything different from what I thought before. Then I would have gone mad and had a row with Remus and Sirius."  
  
Somehow, Rowena knew she wanted to bring Harry and Severus to some sort of understanding, mutual respect. Not friendship, not mentorship. . . these were much too far fetched for now. Just so they will be on speaking terms. This student did not need any more enemies than he had.  
  
"Harry, if there isn't anything else you want to talk about right now, we'd best get inside. It's getting dark, and Molly will be off her rocker if we aren't back soon. She'd think Voldemort had taken you already."  
  
Harry looked at her with some respect when she said "Voldemort".  
  
They made their way back to the house, Rowena now the wise professor and Harry the eager, more normal student, no longer so bleak.  
  
~***********************************~  
  
The Order meeting had begun. Harry was sitting to Rowena's left, and to her right were the infamous Fred and George. Dumbledore, Kingsley, Moody, Remus, Bill, Severus, Arthur, Molly, and Minerva were there. Everyone was aware, however, that this was a low number for the meeting. But the important ones were here.  
  
Kingsley and Arthur were the leak from the Ministry. Bill was working at the Gringotts bank, no doubt useful. Fred and George were great for tactics, despite being something other than Aurors. Severus was helpful because he knew of the Slytherin students who might get the Dark Mark and who to keep an eye on. Moody, a retired Auror, was knowledgeable from the first time Voldemort had appeared. Remus was very calm and contributed some brilliant ideas for the Order. Dumbledore, who was seemingly all-knowing, was the one who started the Order the first time and was one that Voldemort feared, and was necessary. Harry, well Harry was the instrument which would be used someday to destroy Voldemort. He was just as necessary as Dumbledore. Rowena, however, did not know her place yet, but she was determined to prove herself useful to the Order.  
  
Dumbledore was the first to raise question.  
  
"Is anyone aware of Voldemort's whereabouts? What is he up to? How many deaths have there been? Is Bellatrix Lestrange with him still?"  
  
Kingsley interjected, "Well, there have been numerous sightings throughout Europe and some in Asia and the Middle East. Last week, he supposedly was seen in Egypt, Thailand, Scotland near Loch Ness, France, and in London. Some were muggle sightings, others witches and wizards. Many claim to have seen Bellatrix with him. He is recruiting Death Eaters as far as we know, the deaths could be numerous. We've heard of only a few, and muggle news has some mysterious deaths, but that's about it."  
  
"I see.", Dumbledore answered in thought, "I was sure this would be the case."  
  
"What, Albus?", Minerva asked impatiently.  
  
"Voldemort is obviously finding others for his army, rather frantically, though he knows our Aurors are limited in number. Either he is no longer confident in his followers, or he is under the impression we will fight him with wizards and witches other than just Aurors."  
  
"But, Albus, are we to use every able bodied witch and wizard who are no longer at Hogwarts? Will it be like a draft?", Remus asked, concerned.  
  
"Remus, I'm afraid it may be more than that. After the incident at the Department of Mysteries, I believe Voldemort thinks we will use students as well, for they had fought his Death Eaters beyond his expectations."  
  
"Albus, he knows you won't sacrifice students, it is much more blatant than you may think.", Severus said icily, as though Dumbledore were calling Voldemort gullible.  
  
"Severus, there are a few students who will not wait for me to sacrifice them. They sacrifice themselves.", Dumbledore replied, glancing at Harry, who knew that he was one of the students in question.  
  
"If we're talking just about Potter, let's finish this meeting now, Albus. It's not a concern of mine.", Severus coldly uttered. Fred and George turned red with fury. Rowena looked at Snape, who looked her right in the eye. It was difficult to hear Severus talk like this about Harry, who was sitting there, listening to everything.  
  
"I never asked you to be concerned, Professor. Never expected you to be.", Harry answered lazily.  
  
"Harry, please. Severus, I expect you to act more like a teacher, and realize that you will be teaching Harry in N.E.W.T. Potions, and he is just as much a concern of yours as he is of mine. I ask of you to let go of grudges and other matters when it comes to the Order. We all are aware of what the Prophecy says, and that is a weapon against Voldemort. Harry is part of this, and that's why he is a concern of everyone who is a part of the Order, everyone who is present today."  
  
Severus did not talk to Dumbledore for the rest of the meeting.  
  
Finally, when Remus and Rowena Apparated back to the House of Black, they were extremely tired and exhausted from all the discussion. They went straight to sleep, refusing to tell Sirius anything until the next morning.  
  
~*****************************~  
  
A/N: If you think I haven't exactly got the characters' personality right, please inform me so I can make this a better story. Sometimes I doubt myself on some parts and don't know how to change it, so I leave it in. I welcome constructive criticism, so go ahead and give it if you feel the need to do so. Thanks for reading so far, and I promise good chapters are ahead. Keep reviewing! It makes me happy. 


	8. First Days

A/N: Thanks to Stee and PonyLuvrGirl for reviewing!  
  
Disclaimer: Yes, Rowena is the creation my mind has brought forth, but that's about it.  
  
Rowena woke that morning, knowing it was two weeks prior to the day she would first see her students. This day was the day she would go to Hogwarts and start planning her classes with Snape. She was now a teacher, and liked the title for some odd reason. She remembered the night before, when Sirius told her he was glad she got the position, disappointed that she was leaving, and furious that Snape got to work with her. It was yesterday she and Remus went to Diagon Alley.  
  
First, Rowena sped to Gringotts, withdrawing some Galleons and Sickles from her vault. She went to buy some robes from Madame Malkins(A/N: I think that's the name), as she would need them on a regular basis for class, and bought some for Remus as well. She remembered him protesting, but she was sick of seeing his robes all patched and worn out. She looked through Flourish and Blott's for the textbooks she wanted to use, as she was very serious about what her students would be using as a guide to better their defense. She chose two volumes: "In Depth with the Dark Arts" by Cordelia V. Perniculous and "The Strength of Defensive Magic" by Ralph M. Thoreau, both of which she felt were necessary in these times. She needed to choose quickly, as supply lists would be sent a week later to all students.  
  
Towards the end of her shopping trip, she noticed displayed in the windows was the new album by the Weird Sisters. Remus was staring at her.  
  
"You're not going to buy that, are you? Honestly, Tonks will probably sing your praises!"  
  
Rowena laughed and walked into the store, Remus staring at her the whole time. She walked out with the album in her possession. She knew she would need some rock to get her through the idea of teaching. Perhaps, that would be the only thing to keep her sane. She would be working with Severus for hours on end, and, as much as she respected the man, it would be a stressful situation.  
  
Remembering she couldn't think of yesterday for much longer, Rowena sped downstairs, taking her shower hastily, and donning some burgundy robes. She checked to see if she looked ok in the mirror, yet found herself not caring in the slightest.  
  
Rowena quickly hugged Remus and Sirius, unsure of when she would see them again. These two weeks before classes started were essential for organization and planning, and she knew it was unlikely that she could even step out of the school for a minute.  
  
Rowena Apparated to the grassy field she went to with Severus a while ago. She walked briskly through the dewy morning grass, watching the sun rise in a leisurely manner. Finally, she entered her beloved school, inhaling all the familiarities, exhaling her doubts and fears. The former Gryffindor chaser found herself searching frantically for the dungeon in which Potions was the subject. Finally, she found Snape, lazily glancing at his pocket watch.  
  
"The time, Severus?", Rowena asked.  
  
Snape jerked up, looked at her, and relaxed.  
  
"Don't startle me, Rowena. It's eight-thirty. Just in time.", Severus answered quietly.  
  
"I suppose you want to start planning, Severus?"  
  
"Indeed. I've already set a lesson plan for the first through fifth years. I am sure you have been considering what to teach for your N.E.W.T. class."  
  
"Well, yes. I thought we would go over the basic curses, you know, Stunning Spells and Disarming Charms, and the like."  
  
Snape scoffed, "Yes, that would be lovely, if you wanted to insult your student's intelligence and capability, though perhaps only MY students have intelligence and capability."  
  
Rowena couldn't help but glare at him. She asked his help because the knowledge that she was uncomfortable with teaching was obvious. She didn't need him throwing it in her face.  
  
"Look, Severus, we can't teach them the Dark Arts, and all we need to do is prepare them for their N.E.W.T.'s. All the students have been missed a lot of basic curses and spells because of Umbridge's teaching, or lack thereof. So, I have to fill them in!"  
  
Snape looked disinterested.  
  
"Rowena, we are both aware of Potter's little 'class' last year. My Slytherins definitely don't need to go over basics, because I see them practice all the time in their common room. We can't waste time with 'basics'. As for the Dark Arts, don't you think it's about time they had some sort of idea of what the Dark Arts are about? We don't need to teach them how, but what they consist of."  
  
And so it went. The grim Potions professor and the new Dark Arts teacher argued constantly over the lesson plans and on what was necessary. Their self-control of sensibility wore thin. Both were quite glad when the first day of school had come. They, however, ate their dinner before the students arrived and stayed for the Sorting ceremony and Dumbledore's opening speech only.  
  
Rowena sat on the staff table while Dumbledore went off on his own little discourse. She refused to listen until her name had been mentioned.  
  
"And with us this year as your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Rowena Flintwood."  
  
Rowena gave a nonchalant smile to all the students who applauded her and scoured the student tables looking for a certain Sixth year. She finally eyed Harry, who smiled at her, and she grinned back at him. Perhaps the one thing she liked about teaching was her extra lessons with him. Remus was right; teaching would've been a lot better without Snape directing her. She sighed, looking towards Snape, who nodded. They still had some things to finish up.  
  
Once the feast had started, both she and Snape left at the same time, and Rowena couldn't help noticing that the students were under the impression that they went to go snog in the broom closet. Rowena immediately shivered.  
  
She followed Snape to the dungeon, wondering how many more rows they would have before they finished. So, they sorted out schedules, finally came to a compromise that Rowena would start with the basics on the first day, and then delve into defensive and offensive curses along with the history of Voldemort, on Dumbledore's permission.  
  
Suddenly, someone opened the door.  
  
Harry.  
  
"W-what's up, Harry?", Rowena said, almost jumping out of her chair. She could feel Snape's disgust.  
  
"Um, Professor Flintwood? I kinda wanted to talk to Professor Snape. You know, in private?"  
  
Snape replied coolly, "Whatever infantile thing you want to say to me, Potter, you may say in front of her."  
  
Harry glanced warily at Rowena, who nodded at him. She had a feeling he was going to do the very thing she thought best.  
  
"Sir, I wanted to apologize for. . . you know."  
  
"Potter, I really don't want to hear this."  
  
"Sir! Sorry, but I really need to say this, and I've been thinking over the summer. I understand why you were so upset that day, sir. Remus and Sirius said that-  
  
"Potter! I told you not to tell anyone!", Snape hissed.  
  
"Oh, honestly, Severus! They WERE there.", Rowena added in quickly.  
  
"Sir, just let me say everything, then you can throw me out if you want. Look, Sirius and Remus claimed it was immaturity. But that's stupid. I know that it isn't an excuse. My dad was a git to you, and I apologize for that. And I want you to know, that if I were in my dad's position, I wouldn't have done that to you. Yeah, I have rows with Malfoy, but he's an equal and he deserves it, the prat. I know you like him and his dad and all, but whatever. That day I saw. . . you know, I think I know what you were talking about when you said my dad was what he was. You didn't do anything wrong, though I don't like what you called my mom. Professor, I'm not my dad, and we got off on the wrong foot. You're a really. . .good teacher and I just thought we could. . .start over. I'm sorry for invading your privacy and blaming you for Sirius's. . .death."  
  
Rowena looked at Harry. His emerald eyes were blazing with curiosity. His face looked a little anxious, behind his nerve. He was pale. Snape, however, looked calm, yet slightly surprised.  
  
"This is no apology, Potter, this is a confession. You must have gone on for days. First off, I am not so fond of Draco Malfoy and have a deep dislike for his father. His father is a coward, to be honest, and Malfoy is much like him. If I take Malfoy's side, it's because of my position as Head of Slytherin, not anything else. As for your father, he was indeed arrogant, as were his friends. In retrospect, perhaps it was just as well for you to see your father in a more unbiased light. It is possible that I saw in you your father and never saw what you were. You must admit, however, that you have a heavy disregard for rules and guidelines. Your mother. . . I was so young and unaware of what my words were. Indeed, it is no excuse. And don't lie about my performance as a teacher, Potter. You clearly have loathed me since your first year, this has no effect. How would it help if I forgave you, Potter? Peace of mind?"  
  
"No. . . no, sir. I only wanted to say sorry, and give justification for it.", Harry was shifting, clearly uncomfortable.  
  
"Well. . . Potter, you want a fresh start. You are in my N.E.W.T. class, Merlin knows why or how. We must reach some sort of understanding, I imagine. Never think we have anything akin to friendship, Potter, or anything of trust."  
  
Harry thrust his hand out for Snape to shake, and Snape gingerly complied.  
  
Rowena felt her heart leap.  
  
Harry retreated for the door, then stopped a few feet from the door.  
  
"Sir?", Harry said softly  
  
"What is it, Potter?", Snape asked icily.  
  
Harry drew in slow breath.  
  
"You never owed my dad anything."  
  
Snape just looked at Harry.  
  
"You're excused, Potter. McGonagall will be wondering where you are."  
  
Harry left silently, no longer so tense.  
  
Rowena smiled at Snape, who looked at her as though she had gone mad.  
  
"What?!", Severus snapped.  
  
"Oh, nothing. It's just. . . so refreshing to see the second greatest Gryffindor-Slytherin union of the century."  
  
"Quiet, Rowena!"  
  
She laughed while Severus sneered at her.  
  
~**************************~  
  
Rowena woke that morning before the sun did. She felt the nervous feeling in her stomach and very well heard a little nasty voice say, "You're not a teacher!". Ignoring these signs, she slipped into some black robes.  
  
She ran down to the Great Hall, grabbing some porridge and eating it as quickly as she could, noticing it was seven o'clock, and that in two hours time she would be saying the sentence, "Hello. I am Professor Flintwood."  
  
Rowena grabbed her briefcase, clutching it like it was her life. She ran to her classroom, finding her name in golden lettering on the door. It felt quite permanent. She walked in, sniffing the musky room. She noticed a door to a large office, undoubtedly her large office. She rested her briefcase on her desk, sighing. What was she doing here? She was no teacher, she was a rebel, a trouble maker in her time. Sure, a brilliant student, but she hated rules. She didn't want to administer the rules. But Rowena had no time for second thoughts.  
  
Suddenly a barrage of first years, no doubt Gryffindors, stampeded into the classroom. Rowena inched towards the wall, feeling a sudden surge of claustrophobia. Luckily, it passed, as the eager children sat down in their desks. She flashed them an anxious grin.  
  
"Hi. I'm Professor Flintwood. I realize this class has increased importance, due to the recent events in the wizarding world. I hope I can help you protect yourself in your future and that I might start your curiosity in this class. Your first year is very important, for students from wizarding families as well as muggle families."  
  
Rowena, on Snape's recommendation, started them off with doxies and pixies. Of course, this turned out to be mayhem. Their was a motley of screaming first years, running from one desk to another, while Rowena ran around the classroom, freezing the doxies and pixies, throwing them in bucket.  
  
"Good thinking, Snape!", she said under her breath, cursing slightly.  
  
Finally, Rowena finished.  
  
"Everyone, it's alright to come out from under your desks! They're gone!"  
  
The students cautiously sat in their seats after creeping out from under the desks.  
  
Rowena grimaced.  
  
"That went. . .rather well."  
  
The students stared at her, as though she just came from St. Mungo's.  
  
"Just practice your Freezing curses tonight. Perhaps we'll just freeze inanimate objects tomorrow."  
  
Once the students left her class, Rowena collapsed into her chair and banged her head on her desk, feeling the sweat on her brow. Teaching was hard, and suddenly she respected Snape as a teacher, no matter how merciless he was.  
  
Suddenly, her next class entered. Rowena straightened herself up. She looked at her schedule.  
  
"Fifth years. And Slytherins.", she thought, "Goody."  
  
She walked in front of her desk, eyeing every student fiercely, making sure they wouldn't make the mistake of undermining her. They all looked at her back, some smirking, others grim. Rowena gave the standard speech, except adding a part about O.W.L.'s coming up. She taught them according to Snape's orders, and she noticed he was right about something: Slytherins were a pleasure to teach, for there was barely any teaching involved. They knew their stuff and it impressed her. She also noticed that many of the male students grinned at her and stared, while the girls were revolted. Rowena was highly bothered by it. The class finished on a high note: the Slytherins didn't hate her.  
  
She passed through a few more classes, some smooth, others quite hectic. Suddenly, it was time for lunch, and Rowena very much wanted it. But she really didn't want to go the Great Hall, for she had seen enough students for one day. If the Marauders were her students, she would scream bloody murder.  
  
Rowena sank into her chair, not for the first time that day, and heard someone enter the room. It was Minerva.  
  
"How are you, Rowena?", Minerva asked with a small smile.  
  
"Teaching is hell, but otherwise. . . I'm alright."  
  
"Story of my life, Rowena.", Minerva sighed.  
  
Flitwick entered quickly.  
  
"How is our new professor?"  
  
"Alright. . . I suppose. How do you manage being so cheery?"  
  
"Charms is a delight to teach!", Flitwick squeaked.  
  
"Indeed.", Rowena said morosely.  
  
Both McGonagall and Flitwick left.  
  
Snape came in several minutes later, with a plate of food.  
  
"Already hate them, do you?", Severus asked, smirking and sounding smug.  
  
"Shut it, Snape. The first years couldn't handle your doxies and pixies!"  
  
"Ah, but those were Gryffindors."  
  
"Slytherin second years couldn't either.", Rowena replied coldly, pleased to see Snape's shocked face.  
  
"I brought you some food, if you wanted.", Snape said, handing her the plate.  
  
"Thanks, Severus.", she said, forking the chicken.  
  
Snape left quite quickly.  
  
Lunch was over much too early. She had her N.E.W.T. class coming up, and noticed that her class was a select one. A smile crept upon Rowena's face; she was pleased at the confidence these students had. She was also glad it was a mixed-House class. They were Sixth years. Still moldable. She noticed Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in the group, but not to her surprise. Harry's class last year definitely helped some students get into the N.E.W.T. class.  
  
Rowena started calling roll once all the students settled in.  
  
"Abbott, Hannah"  
  
"Brown, Lavender"  
  
A few more names.  
  
"Finnigan, Seamus"  
  
"Granger, Hermione"  
  
A few more names.  
  
"Longbottom, Neville"  
  
She looked up and smiled at the timid student. She highly respected his parents.  
  
"Macmillan, Ernie"  
  
"Malfoy, Draco"  
  
For some reason, Rowena looked over her list and smiled at a handsome student with blond hair and gray eyes. She could tell he took after Narcissa. The young man grinned back. Sure, Lucius Malfoy was a git. But his son had something totally different about him for some unknown reason.  
  
"Parkinson, Pansy"  
  
The girl totally disgusted Rowena. She was hanging over Draco like some common. . .well, one gets the idea. This reminded Rowena strongly of Sirius and Bebe, but Rowena laughed it off in her head.  
  
"Patil, Padama"  
  
"Patil, Parvati"  
  
"Twins. Wonderful.", Rowena thought.  
  
"Potter, Harry"  
  
Rowena looked up again. She gave Harry a quick smile, and he did the same.  
  
A few more names.  
  
"Thomas, Dean"  
  
"Weasely, Ronald"  
  
"That's all, I believe. I'm pleased to have a small, select group of great students."  
  
The students smiled at her, looking pleased.  
  
Rowena proceeded to quiz them on basic curses, and they were very easy to teach. They had obviously gone over these curses heavily for their O.W.L.'s. Draco even managed to do the curses while giving her the very look that disturbed her so, his eyes glittering. Harry was upset at this also, judging by the warning looks he gave Rowena, reminding her strongly of Sirius.  
  
At last, it was time for her next class. After all the students left, Harry stayed behind and went up to Rowena.  
  
"You're doing a great job, Professor Flintwood. Best ever since Remus was here."  
  
Rowena smiled at Harry.  
  
"Thanks, I needed that."  
  
Harry left quite swiftly, leaving Rowena to deal with Seventh year N.E.W.T. students. Among them was Head Girl, Cho Chang, which made Rowena's happiness with teaching plummet.  
  
Cho kept complaining,  
  
"I can't do this stupid curse! It's soooo hard!"  
  
Rowena was so tempted to slap the girl, or say something Snape would, but resisted.  
  
Finally, the end of Rowena's first day had come. She ate her dinner quickly, wanting so badly to talk to Remus and ask him how he managed the exhaustion. She pummeled onto her bed, knowing there was no way she would wake before the sun rose. She started to dream. . .  
  
*It was the day of Lily and James's wedding. Rowena was forced into being Lily's maid of honor, since she was really the only friend Lily had. And Lily wanted to laugh at Rowena dancing with Sirius, who happened to be the best man. Over the years, Rowena and Lily became very close, telling each other secrets and confiding. Rowena had to wear a light lilac dress, which she hated. She was eyeing herself in the mirror, wanting badly just to wear a t-shirt and a pair of jeans. Lily forced her to wear her hair up, and to wear makeup, both ideas revolting Rowena.  
  
Rowena was in her room at the Enchantress's Eye, one of the most fancy hotels of the wizarding world. All of a sudden, Sirius came in, wearing an unlikely three-piece suit. He grinned at Rowena, and she felt her heart beat somewhat rapidly. Lily kept telling Rowena that she was totally "fancying" Sirius, and the statement bothered her to no end. Lily also said that Sirius was "crazy" for Rowena, which Rowena, secretly, enjoyed hearing.  
  
"I hate this dress.", Rowena said through clenched teeth.  
  
"I'm not crazy about the color, but you manage to make it look. . . lovely.", Sirius said boldly.  
  
Rowena felt her face burning, as well as seeing it in the mirror.  
  
"Well, at least it doesn't have a slit.", Rowena said in a monotone.  
  
"I can fix that!", Sirius said jokingly. He pulled out his wand, muttered a few words, and there was a slit all the way up to Rowena's upper thigh, practically showing her entire leg.  
  
"SIRIUS! HOW DARE YOU!", Rowena yelled, without even thinking.  
  
Sirius just laughed.  
  
"It looks pretty good, actually. Give it some time.", Sirius chortled.  
  
"Fix it, NOW!", Rowena screamed at the top of her lungs, not caring who heard.  
  
"What if I don't?", Sirius asked teasingly.  
  
Rowena tackled him on the bed, slapping his face. But Sirius could only laugh.  
  
"Finally, you tackle me! Do you know how long I've been waiting?"  
  
"I HATE YOU, SIRIUS BLACK! Get OUT!"  
  
"Fine, fine, I'll fix the slit. However, if you didn't notice, your wand's on the chair. You didn't need me to fix it. You didn't need to work THIS hard, nor yell this much."  
  
Rowena blushed a deep scarlet, getting off of Sirius. She sat down on the chair, unable to even touch her wand. She was so embarrassed. Now, he was fully aware that he wasn't just an old chum to her.  
  
"Nobody thinks straight when they're angry, love."  
  
She looked up at Sirius. He just gave her a small smile. He was blushing, too. He pointed at her dress, uttering a "Reparo!" with mock sadness, watching the dress sew itself up seamlessly. He left silently.  
  
Rowena wanted so badly to just grab him by the arm and tell him how she felt. But it seemed so silly to do that. It was like a stupid, schoolyard romance and Rowena would hate to be a part of it.  
  
"Someday.", she thought, "Someday I'll know." *  
  
A/N: Yeah, some really fluffy, sappy stuff for you guys at the end of the chapter. Sorry about that if it disgusted you. Anyway, I'm having some second thoughts about continuing it, 'cause it doesn't seem like many people are reading it. What do you think? 


	9. Quidditch and Curses

A/N: Hey, you guys are great!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own anyone but Rowena, but she's cool.  
  
The months passed quickly, classes were sometimes dull, other times a little too exciting. Rowena was glad it was the weekend in October, for their would be a Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch match and a Hogsmeade visit. Rowena felt both events were very needed, for day after day, week after week, life was just boring. She missed Sirius. Badly. This often surprised her, because she had lived fourteen years without him, and after living with him a couple of months, she needed Sirius. And the permission that Dumbledore gave her to go visit Sirius and Remus on weekends didn't help. Rowena was always needed at the school, for various things: grading papers, patrolling the halls, and even looking over the Gryffindor Quidditch practices on McGonagall's orders.  
  
Rowena found some scarlet red robes in her closet, naturally for the Quidditch Match. Rowena looked at her room for a second. She liked the quarters Dumbledore provided for her. It was simple and nice. She found that breakfast would be over soon, so she ran down to the Great Hall for anything that was left. She found that Harry was still eating, looking slightly nervous, partly for Ron, who was pale and shaking. She imagined that all the other students were either practicing Quidditch and having pep talks or finding good seats for the match. Rowena sat down across from her students, both clad in Quidditch robes, and grabbed herself a bowl of porridge.  
  
"You alright, Harry?", Rowena asked tentatively, trying to be more interested in her porridge than his answer, "Quidditch Match jitters?"  
  
"It's not that, Professor. Um. . . I dunno if this is the time. Quidditch Match is in an hour. . .", Harry said, looking quite interested in his porridge as well.  
  
"You might not play as well if you're worrying yourself about something else, Harry.", Rowena answered, knowingly.  
  
"Ron, go ahead and practice with the team, I'll be there in a few minutes.", Harry said. Ron looked like he was hit in the face with a bludger.  
  
"But you're the captain!", Ron protested, "We need to practice!"  
  
"A few more minutes, Ron. . .", Harry answered calmly, reminding Rowena strongly of Dumbledore.  
  
Ron left the table, puzzled, but willing.  
  
Rowena waited a few seconds, putting a small Soundproofing Spell around them.  
  
"So, what's up?", she ultimately asked.  
  
"Um. . .the nightmares. . .they're getting bad."  
  
"You mean the Occlumency isn't working?"  
  
Harry shook his head.  
  
"These aren't connected to Voldemort's thoughts. I've been seeing people getting black letters, so naturally I dream about death. I see the Longbottoms suffer. I see people I don't even know suffer."  
  
Harry was having trouble speaking. His eyes were blazing green flames. He looked downward, as though he wasn't helping anything.  
  
"So you feel like nothing's being done?", Rowena asked gently.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. I dream about Sirius, too. He. . .it's like he's suffering too, having nightmares, and he can't wake up. . ."  
  
Harry fell silent. Rowena found that she was unable to answer. She was afraid that she would just scream out that Sirius was alive and well. Harry looked up at her and she looked back, wanting to hold him, as a sister would. But she was his professor, part of the staff; they had boundaries.  
  
"I think it's time for me to go, you know, Quidditch.", Harry said quietly,  
  
"You know, Harry, you don't have to feel like you're a burden to me. I asked you what was wrong."  
  
Harry didn't answer.  
  
"Harry, let me walk you to the Pitch."  
  
Harry remained silent.  
  
"You know, I was a Chaser for Gryffindor, when I went here."  
  
Harry looked at her.  
  
"Really? What year did you join?"  
  
"Third, but I quit after fifth year. I became concerned with grades, and found that our obsessive captain wasn't helping. I took quite a few N.E.W.T. classes, though I wasn't as busy as Hermione. Or your mother, for that matter. Your dad was. . . an awesome Seeker, but I never let him know, because it would go to his head. Lucius Malfoy was no comparison. Sirius was a Beater, but quit a year after I did, because it wasn't as fun without me. That's what he claimed anyway. So we spent most of our time studying together, sometimes with Remus. Turned out that we got high N.E.W.T. scores."  
  
Harry stared at her. She realized all that he asked was what year she joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and she had given him a discourse.  
  
"Sorry, I tend to ramble on, don't I?", Rowena said, grinning.  
  
"Oh, I don't mind.", Harry replied, laughing a little.  
  
"Do you find my class. . . dull, Harry?", Rowena asked.  
  
Harry glanced at her, twisting his Firebolt broom around.  
  
"No, it's interesting. It's good everyone is learning about Voldemort, but it does disturb them a little. But they need to know, right?"  
  
Rowena nodded.  
  
"It was Severus's idea, however. He practically forced Albus to let us teach the students about the Dark Arts and Voldemort."  
  
"Eventually, Snape is going to take over the position.", Harry said resentfully.  
  
"If Albus Dumbledore is anywhere near sane, there is no way Snape will get the position.", Rowena replied simply, "You, of all people, should know that."  
  
Finally, they reached the Quidditch Pitch.  
  
"Good luck, Harry!", Rowena called after him.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
And with that, he went to the Gryffindor locker room.  
  
Rowena walked to the Gryffindor section of the Quidditch Pitch, finding Hermione looking anxiously at Ron on the field, who was trying to relax.  
  
She sat next to her fluffy-locked student, asking,  
  
"How are you, Hermione?"  
  
Hermione jumped with surprise, then exhaled.  
  
"It's only you, Professor. You scared me. Well, I hope Ron isn't too nervous. It's hard to get him to ignore the Slytherins. He gets really panicky."  
  
"Ah, well he is playing Slytherin. That made us nervous every match, but we managed to succeed. He'll be fine."  
  
"I do hope so, Professor."  
  
The match started.  
  
Ron, who had color restoring to his face, flew up near one of the hoops to guard. Ginny had the quaffle, however, and was zooming past Millicent in order to throw the quaffle in. Millicent elbowed Ginny in the ribs, but didn't seem to hurt her at all, as the quaffle got in.  
  
"GRYFFINDOR-10! SLYTHERIN-0!", she heard from a boisterous Colin Creevey, who was now the speaker since Lee Jordan graduated the year before.  
  
Now was Ron's test. A sinister looking girl had the quaffle in her hands and was zooming towards the three hoops Ron was guarding. He started to pale again, but whirred in front of her, managing to guard the hoops. Suddenly, a bludger from Seamus Finnigan hit the girl, forcing her to leave the hoops.  
  
Rowena's eyes left this scene to find Harry who was high above the action, scanning the field for, no doubt, the Snitch. Draco was doing the same, at a much lower altitude. A bludger from a Slytherin beater was about to unseat Harry, but he flew fast and far from it.  
  
After this, Rowena seemed to have lost interest, as her thoughts started to drift. . .  
  
*Sirius and Rowena were on the Pitch, but they were the only ones practicing. Others decided to study for O.W.L.'s, or N.E.W.T.'s, but the two Gryffindors were much too confident. The funny thing was that James was actually going to study. . .or just stare at Lily studying in the Library. Either way, he was gone.  
  
Rowena was much more concerned with bludgers than with O.W.L.'s. The Slytherin Beaters, Crabbe and Goyle, would keep hitting the bludgers towards Rowena, so it was impossible to score a goal without getting hit. If they were smart, they would've gone after James, the real threat towards Slytherin in Quidditch. But this was Crabbe and Goyle; they did things without thinking. Rowena had already broken her arm three times this year and was tired of Emma Creevey getting in all the quaffles.  
  
Sirius reluctantly agreed to help Rowena practice, which meant he had to hit bludgers at her constantly, while she tried to throw in the quaffle. If she could dodge Sirius's bludgers, then Crabbe's and Goyle's would be a piece of cake.  
  
So it started. Sirius hit a bludger towards her, she dodged it narrowly, throwing the quaffle in, trying to imagine how the Slytherin keeper would try to stop her. This repeated numerous times, and Rowena found herself tired, but she continued.  
  
Sirius hit a fast bludger at Rowena, much faster than the others had been. She quickly threw the quaffle into the hoop, trying to fly upwards as quickly as possible, but it was no use. The bludger hit her leg, and then the practice broom she was using. The broom broke in half, letting her fall. She could feel the wrenching pain in her thigh as the wind blew fiercely. Feeling something beneath her, she knew she had reached the ground. She couldn't think . . .  
  
Rowena felt someone's arms beneath her knees and her back. She opened her eyes, realizing she didn't fall to the ground. She looked up and saw Sirius looking down at her, beyond concerned, he was anxious. His hazel eyes were wide open, his black bangs plastered in front of them, and his mouth was slightly open. Even then, he was handsome.  
  
Sirius gently kneeled to lay her on the ground. He caught the bludger with some difficulty and placed it in the case, then did the same with the quaffle. Sirius went back to Rowena, and laid down beside her.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean. . .", Sirius started.  
  
"You didn't do anything wrong. That was a good one. Hit one like that at Malfoy sometime. I should've been faster anyway.", Rowena cut in, not wanting him to take any responsibility.  
  
"It wasn't your fault either.", Sirius said.  
  
They both laid silently next to each other, staring at the sky, which was starting to go dark.  
  
"I think I better take you to Madam Pomfrey.", Sirius said, moving his arms to pick her up, but Rowena resisted.  
  
"I can walk myself, Sirius Black. Just give me some support."  
  
Sirius helped her up, and Rowena winced, feeling the pain in her thigh sharply. She put her arm around his shoulders, which was slightly difficult because of his height (he was quite a bit taller than she), and he put his arm comfortably around her shoulders. They walked slowly, Rowena feeling the pain sharper and sharper in her leg.  
  
"I'm carrying you!", Sirius said stubbornly. He picked her up, not listening to her protests.  
  
"Put me down!", Rowena yelled.  
  
Sirius viciously shook his head.  
  
"I bet you twenty Galleons that you broke your thigh. You can't walk on it!"  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Sirius walked briskly, holding Rowena in his arms, letting her feet dangle beneath his right arm. Rowena, noticing how uncomfortable she was, put her arms around Sirius's neck. He gave her a small grin.  
  
"Not so bad, is it?", he asked playfully.  
  
She jerked arms away from his neck, crossing them in front of her chest. He laughed, his eyes sparkling.  
  
"Why don't I want to be with him?", Rowena thought, "I mean, isn't he all I've ever wanted?"  
  
She sincerely hoped Sirius had no idea what she was thinking, for that would be a catastrophe, making it likely for Sirius to tell James. She wouldn't care if he told Remus. Remus could read her like an open book, and whenever Rowena was around Sirius, Remus always managed to wink at her when no one was looking. She blushed at this thought, realizing that Sirius was right there.  
  
They finally reached the infirmary, with Madam Pomfrey staring at them.  
  
"What happened?", she asked, concerned.  
  
Sirius explained everything, while Rowena nodded.  
  
"I see. Let me check your leg.", Madam Pomfrey said matter-of-factly.  
  
Madam Pomfrey noticed that Sirius was still there and cleared her throat.  
  
"Mr. Black, a few moments, please?", Madam Pomfrey said, annoyed.  
  
"O-oh, sure.", Sirius replied, walking out the door.  
  
Madam Pomfrey drew a curtain around the bed Rowena was laying down on. Madam Pomfrey lifted her robes, firmly checking her thigh.  
  
"It's broken. Awfully well, too. You'll need to stay here for the night. It will take me longer than usual to mend this broken bone, Ms. Flintwood.", Madam Pomfrey said, a little subdued. "Would you like me to bring Mr. Black in? I have to go tell Professor McGonagall that you will not be in the Gryffindor dormitories tonight."  
  
"Alright.", Rowena said, sighing.  
  
Sirius sat down on a chair next to Rowena's bed, looking very solemn.  
  
"Blimey, broken bone, wasn't it?"  
  
Rowena nodded.  
  
"I should've been more careful. I'm such a git.", Sirius lamented, putting his hand awkwardly on her shoulder.  
  
"No, no you're fine.", Rowena said, putting her hand on top of his. "Thanks for. . .you know, catching me. And helping me get here."  
  
Sirius just smiled softly. He gently leaned towards her, so close to where Rowena could feel him exhale. His hand was trembling, as was hers. His eyes started to narrow, his lips much too close to hers. . .  
  
They heard McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey enter. Sirius jerked his head away from Rowena's. Rowena blushed heavily, unable to believe what was about to happen a few moments before.  
  
"So you've broken your leg, have you?", McGonagall said briskly.  
  
Rowena nodded, feeling her throat becoming dry.  
  
"You shouldn't worry about Quidditch so much, Ms. Flintwood. I suggest you start studying for your O.W.L.'s."  
  
Rowena nodded again.  
  
"Can you not talk, girl?", McGonagall asked, flustered.  
  
"Sorry. I'll start studying.", Rowena answered, her voice raspy.  
  
Sirius looked at her, biting his lip.  
  
"Black, I think you should go back to the common room. It is about that time.", McGonagall said, turning to Sirius.  
  
"Yes, Professor.", Sirius said quietly, avoiding Rowena's gaze.  
  
He left silently. If McGonagall thought this was odd, she gave no sign of it. After a few minutes, she left as well, leaving Madam Pomfrey to heal Rowena  
  
~-~  
  
Rowena noticed that Sirius was avoiding her at all costs. He couldn't look at her or talk to her, or even sit anywhere near her. Rowena was somewhat thankful for this, because she realized what would've happened that night in the infirmary. He would have kissed her, and Rowena would have reciprocated, and they would be a couple at this very moment. Rowena didn't want that, though. She liked being Sirius's friend, being able to laugh with him and such. She never wanted to be his girlfriend; in fact, she despised the term "girlfriend". She never wanted to be like every other couple in school. Rowena had a special bond with Sirius. The fact that neither of them had a real family was what made them close in the first place. She was content with that, and wanted no fling with Sirius.  
  
Rowena walked briskly to the Library, finding Sirius talking to Remus, or rather Remus pressuring Sirius to tell him "what was wrong". Rowena thought, "You really don't want to know, Remus."  
  
She walked up to Sirius, placing her hand on his shoulder. He looked up at her and then looked away.  
  
"Hey Rowena.", he mumbled. Remus was smiling.  
  
"Sirius, can we talk?", Rowena said, hearing her voice shake slightly.  
  
"Sure."  
  
And they walked onto the Hogwarts grounds, making sure no one could hear them. Rowena didn't know how to say what she wanted, but decided the sooner she said something, the better.  
  
Rowena stopped, overlooking the lake, and then looked to Sirius, who decidedly would not even glance at her.  
  
"Sirius, about that time we were in the infirmary. . .neither of us were really thinking straight. I mean, I'm your friend, and I like it that way. I'm sure you feel the same. I guess we were just in some sort of. . .daze. Let's forget about it. Nothing happened, alright? No damage was done. You mean a lot to me, Sirius. I don't want anything to change."  
  
Rowena embraced Sirius, and he did the same. She could feel his face burning. They grinned at each other, afraid and awkward. They both wanted to forget.*  
  
A loud chorus of "Weasely is our King" erupted from the Gryffindors, bringing Rowena back to the Quidditch game. Gryffindor had won. She noticed Harry was beaming, the snitch in his hand.  
  
"Quick game.", Rowena thought.  
  
Everyone seemed to rejoice, with the exception of the Slytherins, of course. They all seemed happy that the next day they could go to Hogsmeade and have a proper celebration. Rowena was leaving the Quidditch Pitch, a swarm of Gryffindors around her, and noticed someone was waiting outside. Remus.  
  
No one else seemed to look at him, as they had just wanted to get back to the common room and celebrate. Rowena, however, was now in no mood, especially after the memories she had just relived. She walked up to Remus and hugged him.  
  
"Oh, it's been so long!", Rowena exclaimed.  
  
Remus smiled.  
  
"Two months or so. We missed you."  
  
Rowena laughed.  
  
"I'm glad to hear it! Do you want to go to Hogsmeade? We could stop by the Three Broomsticks."  
  
Remus nodded in agreement.  
  
Hogsmeade was in walking distance, but students were forbidden to go unless it was a planned Hogsmeade weekend. If it was, they had to go in carriages.  
  
Remus and Rowena found themselves in Hogsmeade, noticing the small bookshops and jokeshops, along with sweetshops. They found the Three Broomsticks and walked in.  
  
There were mostly wizards trying to get some refreshment before they headed back to business. The whole place smelled like cinnamon and butterbeer, which was no surprise to Rowena.  
  
She walked up to the lady who was serving everyone, noticing how familiar she was.  
  
"Rowena Flintwood?! I haven't seen you since Seventh year!", the woman squealed in a sickeningly sweet fashion, her blonde curls bouncing, her blue eyes glittering.  
  
Rowena remembered this woman, though not in happy memories.  
  
"Ah, Bebe Juniper. It has been a while.", Rowena said coolly, sounding much like McGonagall.  
  
"Remus Lupin?! I remember you! You were Sirius's friend.", Bebe acknowledged.  
  
Remus smiled, though not out of pleasure. It was just for the sake of being polite.  
  
"Bebe, we'll have two firewhiskeys.", Rowena ordered sharply, very annoyed with Sirius's old crush.  
  
Bebe stopped smiling, catching onto Rowena's sour feelings. She mutely filled two tankards with firewhiskey. Rowena silently gave her ten Sickles. Rowena and Remus took their drinks respectively, sitting down at a table in a corner.  
  
"THAT was unexpected.", Rowena said.  
  
"Indeed. You still can't stand her.", Remus added.  
  
"Well, she's still the same, isn't she?", Rowena replied.  
  
They remained silent for a while.  
  
"I've come because there's a slight problem, Rowena.", Remus said, sounding concerned.  
  
"What's wrong?", Rowena asked.  
  
Rowena had no clue what could be wrong. She had a sinking feeling that it was to do with Sirius. She quickly put a Soundproofing Spell around the table.  
  
"Well, um, Padfoot is. . .he's sick. Really sick. He's been having a fever, and he's constantly asleep, he's having nightmares. He tosses and turns, shivers even. I try to shake him awake, but he just doesn't wake up. I don't know what's happening. I can't give him any tonic or potions because isn't awake to drink it. He calls out for James, me, you, even Harry sometimes. I just thought maybe we should both talk to Albus about it."  
  
Rowena froze, remembering exactly what Harry had told her that morning: "I dream about Sirius, too. He. . .it's like he's suffering too, having nightmares, and he can't wake up. . ."  
  
Rowena immediately told Remus what Harry told her that morning.  
  
"It can't be just coincidence, can it?", Rowena said, all her feelings jumbled. "We've got to stop him from having these dreams, otherwise Voldemort might catch on to it. Occlumency isn't flawless. Perhaps, we should give Harry some sleeping potions."  
  
"This is bad. But Padfoot is our major problem. We need to find a way to help him. Harry will stop having the dreams if we give him potions, that is no problem. But how can we help Padfoot? We can't take him to St. Mungo's, we can't ask Snape's help because he isn't supposed to be alive, and Dumbledore might have some idea of how to help him, but we aren't sure."  
  
Remus looked desperate. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced, and he was pale. Rowena finally realized why he was acting so differently; the full moon was approaching, and when one is a werewolf, they become highly emotional around that time.  
  
"I suppose we might as well see Dumbledore now.", Rowena sighed, finishing off her firewhiskey. Remus gulped his down quickly as well. They made their way back to Hogwarts.  
  
Rowena's head was swimming in thousands of thoughts. Sirius was in trouble and she had a feeling that she couldn't help him right now, that she would have to wait until the right time.  
  
They approached Dumbledore's office, Rowena muttering "fizzing whizbee" under her breath, Remus following her up the spiraling steps.  
  
"Ah, Rowena, Remus, please sit down. What is the matter?", Albus asked softly.  
  
Rowena placed yet another Soundproofing Spell on the room so no one could hear them.  
  
"Sirius is ill.", Rowena whispered.  
  
Remus told Dumbledore all about the nightmares and visions Sirius was having, the fact that he couldn't wake up, and giving every detail about it.  
  
Dumbledore gravely looked from Remus to Rowena, as though they were students again.  
  
"I knew this had to happen. Perhaps this is the time for me to tell you.", Dumbledore said softly, more to himself than anyone.  
  
"Tell us what?", Rowena said loudly, losing patience. The only one she'd ever cared for more than herself was in pain, and Dumbledore was taking awfully long.  
  
"The veil. If you walk willingly into it, you meet your death. If you are forced into it, you keep your life, and become stronger. However, everything comes at a cost. The feelings that a person is having while they force you into the veil haunt you in the way they want. Bellatrix Lestrange was having highly negative and rash feelings toward Sirius, so he is being haunted by the worst times of his life and cannot escape. One must have the very opposite feelings Bellatrix had in order to lift the curse off of Sirius. Now, Rowena, what feelings do you think Bellatrix had at the time?"  
  
Rowena knew what was coming.  
  
"Hatred, vengeance."  
  
Dumbledore's eyes lit up.  
  
"And the opposite would be?"  
  
"Love."  
  
Remus and Dumbledore looked at her for a long time, while she examined the floor.  
  
"You expect me to break the curse, do you?", Rowena asked softly, feeling angry.  
  
"The only other person who can do it is Harry, Rowena. He can't know about Sirius. And I . . . I'm not strong enough to do such magic.", Remus said.  
  
Rowena bit her lip.  
  
"Rowena, you won't be able to do this now. I suggest you keep yourself focused, make sure that you take sleeping potions, to limit your dreams. Harry will have to take sleeping potions as well. I will tell Severus to prepare them for you. It has been good seeing you Remus."  
  
Remus left, patting Rowena on the shoulder. Once he did, Dumbledore added,  
  
"You are capable of loving him, Rowena. You will be able to do this."  
  
Rowena left, not wanting to talk, but to drink more firewhiskey. They expected so much of her. This was silly. It sounded like a fairy tale, in which a handsome prince was under enchanted sleep and it was up to the brave princess to save him. Rowena couldn't laugh at this, it was so foolish.  
  
A/N: I find this chapter a little bit of a disappointment, but couldn't find any way to fix it. Um, I won't be able to update for a few weeks, as I will be out of town. Thanks if you're reading this. 


	10. Tears

A/N: Stupid ff.net ruined my last chapter with some glitch, sorry about that. I tried to replace the chapter, but it still looked messed up. Again, sorry if it was hard to read. I want to thank lumos-girl and MeRcUrY for their awesome reviews.  
  
Disclaimer: Rowena is mine, but JKR has the rest. Lucky.  
  
It was nearing Christmas break and Rowena was ecstatic beyond words. She even bought Snape a Christmas gift, a potions book which he was sure to like, though it was more theoretical than educational. It had been two long months since Remus visited her. Rowena completely forgot about Sirius's curse and how she was supposed to break it, though she religiously drank sleeping potions as Dumbledore asked, perhaps even more than she needed to.  
  
It was time for her 6th year N.E.W.T. class, it was the last class before break, and she had something quite controversial planned. Rowena watched her familiar students walk in, noticing Draco was one of the first.  
  
As the students situated themselves, Rowena started,  
  
"We will be talking about the Cruciatus Curse today. As you must know, this is one of the most painful form of dark magic as well as an Unforgivable curse. It is very dishonorable curse to use, in my opinion, for it is used by Voldemort. But students, such curses are not bad in themselves, they are all about intent. If you use one of them irresponsibly, you have lowered your morals as a wizard.  
  
"I am aware that some of my students will not listen to me, and join some mad wizard with a name that everyone flinches at. Be aware that by doing so you've given away all opportunities as a wizard. Everyone will do their own research on the Cruciatus Curse and write an opinion essay, three feet long at least. This will be your homework over the holidays. The Seventh year N.E.W.T. class get the same assignment. I've noticed that many of you might not try very hard on this essay, but to give you some inspiration, I've decided that the two students that give me the most complete, informative, and strong opinionated essays will both come with me and Professor Snape on a tour of the Museum of Aurors. You will miss a full day of school to do so."  
  
Rowena noticed her students suddenly became bright-eyed and excited. They started murmuring and talking amongst themselves until Rowena cleared her throat.  
  
"I suggest you start reading in your textbooks about dark magic, and then go into deeper research on the Cruciatus Curse. I will not accept an essay late unless there is a good reason. Get started!"  
  
The students started reading eagerly, and Rowena's thoughts drifted once again. . .  
  
*Rowena was sitting in her flat, which she shared with Lily before she married James. Lily had Harry about a year ago, which got Rowena to visit her and James, along with their child. She had met Sirius there, and was quite happy, for she had not seen him since the wedding. Sirius was being awfully reclusive, lately, and it worried Rowena. She remembered her carefree days with Sirius at Hogwarts, knowing that such pastimes were wrenched from her forever. He was so happy at the wedding. . .where had it all gone?  
  
Rowena noticed that it was raining. The sky was a bleak gray, with some slight lightning bolts to break the monotony. Sirius wasn't the only one who was unhappy. She was, too, having a boring job at Gringotts. She had nothing to live for. Except Sirius. And they weren't even in love, romantically involved, none of it. They were friends. Not that it was bad, it was just. . . odd, surreal. She lived for him, breathed for him, her heart would beat for him, and yet she was unwilling to be in love with him. But, ironically, she loved Sirius. She just happened to deny it. She saw him go out with dozens of girls but he always came by her flat to tell her,  
  
"I find myself always comparing them to you. They never are any comparison with you."  
  
Rowena looked out the window, noticing something pull up to the curb. A motorcycle.  
  
Sirius's motorcycle.  
  
Rowena sighed, waiting for Sirius to come up to her door and knock, knowing she would answer, and that they would both be sad together.  
  
Except this day would be wouldn't just be sad. This would be an end.  
  
"Rowena?", Sirius's bittersweet voice called through the door as he knocked, "Are you home?"  
  
Rowena walked slowly to the door, feeling her feet were like lead. She opened the door, finding a soaking wet Sirius, his hazel eyes bleak, his smile broke her heart.  
  
Rowena returned an equally dismal smile.  
  
"Come in, Sirius."  
  
Sirius stepped in, his clothes were dripping onto the carpet, but Rowena didn't care. Lily didn't live with her anymore, why should she care. Rowena silently brought Sirius a towel, for which he gave a mumbled "Thanks.", and they both ultimately sat on the taupe-colored couch. Sirius's black hair was soaking like a dog's fur coat, which did not surprise Rowena, as his animagus form was a dog.  
  
"So, what's new?", Rowena asked after several minutes in silence.  
  
"Nothing. I can't think. Voldemort is after Lily and James, but you already knew that."  
  
They both were silent again. Neither of them knew they would end up like this as adults. The only thing that was the way they imagined was that Sirius was training to become an Auror. Rowena was unsure of what she wanted to do with her life, so she took a decently paying job at Gringotts so she could pay for the flat on her own.  
  
Sirius broke the silence.  
  
"Why aren't we in love, Rowena? Why can't we marry?", his voice was cold and sad.  
  
"We've been through this so many times, Sirius-  
  
"Why?! Why can't we be together?"  
  
"Sirius, I-  
  
Sirius's eyes were piercing Rowena's eyes, burning her soul, ripping her heart into a myriad of pieces.  
  
"Honestly, Rowena! How long do you plan to give me excuses and taunt me?! You know I love you! YOU KNOW IT! And you've got to feel the same way. . . I know you do! You're the only one for me! You were always jealous when I was with other-  
  
"Sirius, please!"  
  
Rowena was burning up inside. But she wasn't angry, she was downcast and Sirius's words made her cringe, and she could feel her eyes burning with warm tears. Indeed she loved him, but couldn't he see? He'd get hurt. Anyone Rowena was close to got hurt. It happened. And Rowena never felt really worthy of Sirius. He could have anyone, he was so handsome, so funny, so intelligent, so good. . . beautifully imperfect. She was nothing. She loved Sirius, but love was never enough. Her mum died on her, even though she loved her. Her father joined Voldemort and was in Azkaban, despite the love of his daughter that he returned so willingly. What was love? It couldn't help. It was a knife to the heart, that was what it was. It was bloody rubbish.  
  
Rowena was now on the floor, her head hanging low, her tears dampening her hair. Sirius was still angry, she knew. No amount of tears could awake Sirius to how much he could hurt her. Rowena looked up to Sirius, whose eyes were still daggers to her.  
  
"You make me so damn bloody miserable, Rowena. . . and yet you make me forget everything else that makes me miserable. What the hell, can't you choose?"  
  
"Sirius. . . I can't. . ."  
  
"WOULD YOU STOP THIS SELF-PITY! STOP IT NOW!"  
  
Rowena kept thinking,  
  
"You love me, Sirius, you don't mean it. Please! Please tell me you don't mean it! NO!"  
  
She felt the rivers of tears running down her cheeks, feeling her heart collapsing over and over again.  
  
Sirius turned around. He was going to leave. Rowena grabbed him by the knees, pressing her face against his leg, begging,  
  
"D-don't do this, S-s-sirius! D-don't be m-mad at me! I don't want you to leave! DON'T LEAVE, PLEASE! O-oh G-god, Sirius. . .you don't want this."  
  
Sirius looked down at her, his eyes cold and mocking.  
  
"Oh, but don't I? Anyone would be glad to be with me, but I've only ever wanted you. And you constantly reject me. Tell me, Rowena, who is it that rivals me? Who is it that YOU want to be with?"  
  
Rowena remained silent, only to realize she was begging Sirius to stay, groveling at his feet. This was not like her. Had this been anyone else, she would yelling at them to leave, and they would leave with two black eyes. She slowly got up.  
  
"The reason all those other girls want to be with you is because of superficial things, Sirius. No one rivals you, Sirius, when it comes to my feelings. Remember when you carried me to the infirmary? Do you remember what I told you a week after? I care about you, Sirius, that's the very reason I won't be with you."  
  
Sirius shook his head, and walked out the door.  
  
"Sirius, NO!"  
  
He refused to listen.  
  
Those were the last words Rowena gave to Sirius, the very words she searched for in Dumbledore's office when she returned from Nepal. Rowena sat down in front of the closed door, crying, knowing Sirius would not want to see her again. He was good for his word. She banged at the door for what seemed an eternity and ultimately fell asleep, dreaming about everything she did with Sirius.  
  
A week later James and Lily were killed, but Harry lived.  
  
A week later Sirius was charged for a crime he didn't commit, a crime that didn't exist, and thrown into Azkaban, left to brood in a cell.  
  
A week later Rowena left for Nepal, crying her eyes out, knowing that maybe, just maybe, if she had let Sirius love her, that Peter wouldn't have been able to frame him. Maybe she could have calmed Sirius down. Maybe they would be married, and have kids, that would someday go to school with Harry, and be his good friends. . . maybe love wasn't so bad. . .  
  
"Take me instead. Give me the Dementor's kiss. I don't care. As long as they let Sirius go. He's suffered enough."*  
  
"Are you alright, Professor Flintwood?", Hermione asked worried, the entire class staring concerned at Rowena.  
  
Rowena looked down, noticing that liquid had stained her robes and her face. Tears. She had been crying in front of her class. Her thoughts were so vivid.  
  
"Excuse me, class. I'll be back in a moment.", Rowena said, sounding drowsy.  
  
She shut the classroom door, running for the lake.  
  
"Yes, I need fresh air, fresh air is good, it will clear my mind up. . .", Rowena thought, feeling as though she lost her mind.  
  
She found a tree, sitting beneath it. A weeping willow for a weeping woman. Rowena was not one to cry delicately, she sounded as though she were haunted when she cried. She would moan, her words unable to be understood, and she would cry her eyes out constantly. Crying was rare for Rowena. She was a strong woman, but those thoughts of Sirius could make her weak within a second.  
  
Rowena beat the ground, pleading,  
  
"Oh Sirius! Please Sirius! I need you! Why is fate so cruel?"  
  
She cried into the snow, her only source of comfort. She felt so alone. Why was she so foolish? Sirius's love was everything to her. How could he not remember their fight when she saw him in the House of Black? Why was he so kind to her? Why did they joke like they were back at Hogwarts? She deserved to be shot down and hurt. She hurt Sirius. She remembered that she had to break the curse, and saw it no longer as a noble deed. It was to compensate for some of the heartache she caused Sirius. She would spend the rest of her life compensating for the wrong she did him.  
  
Rowena felt a large hand on her shoulder. She looked up, the tears heavy in her eyes, still staining her face.  
  
Dumbledore.  
  
"Why did he have to suffer so much, Albus? Why did I treat him the way I did?"  
  
Albus looked at her gravely, his eyes sympathizing.  
  
"Go to him. I was wrong to keep you at Hogwarts so long without letting you see him. You need to see him. Don't try to break the curse yet, but just visit him. You will be comforted. I will cover your classes, my afternoon is free."  
  
Albus smiled gently. She couldn't smile. Rowena merely nodded.  
  
She ran to the field, feeling like the wind was urging her to go, along with the cold.  
  
She Apparated to the House of Black. Rowena knew Remus wasn't home, somehow she could tell. She walked up the stairs slowly into Sirius's bedroom. He was on the bed, white as snow, shaking as though it were freezing in the room. He called out softly,  
  
"James. . . I'm so sorry Prongs. . . forgive me, James. Please?. . . I'm just Padfoot, old Padfoot, Sirius, your friend. . .I would never. . never hurt you. . .never Lily. . .never Harry. . ."  
  
Rowena started to cry again, watching Sirius plead just like she did a few minutes earlier. She did love Sirius. It was unconditional. She never wanted anything back from him, she just loved him. He deserved to live happily, and it looked like he would die with memories taunting him.  
  
Sirius started to shake violently. Rowena sped to his side, sitting on the bed next to him. She brought him up by his shoulders, and held him, feeling him shake and shiver, his body burning from a fever. He was still muttering little things: "James. . . Lily. . .". Rowena held him so close, to where she could whisper into his ear.  
  
"Sirius? I won't let anything take you away from me again. I'm so sorry. I should've taken care of you. I should've loved you the way you deserved. I should have been good to you. I was afraid. Those who fail are afraid. Mark my words. . .no one can pry you from me, not even the gods. I won't let it happen. Never, never Sirius."  
  
A/N: I tried my hand at depression. Have no idea if it's any good. I decided I'd write one more chapter before I went on vacation. Hope you all like it. I promise to finish the fic. 


	11. When Padfoot became a Lone Wolf

A/N: THANK YOU! The reviews are such an honor to receive and give me much satisfaction Really, please keep reading and commenting, because that gives me the drive to write. Yes, Lumos-girl, I did understand what you meant about the twist and thank you for the compliment.  
  
Disclaimer: J.K.'s got everything, except Rowena.  
  
Rowena stayed at the House of Black for her Christmas break. She decided that she might as well make herself useful, so she started throwing out what Sirius would refer to as "pureblood rubbish", everything from blood flasks to paintings. As she walked down the hallway, she came across the painting of Sirius's mother. Her gray hair was wispy and was drawn up into a tight bun, her eyes a piercing blue, her mouth drawn into an arrogant sneer. Rowena had spent her two months with her favorite Marauders avoiding this painting at all costs, as Sirius informed her that his mum could scream pretty loud.  
  
"Filthy half-blood. You and my shameful son, destroying this house. . .curse you!", the woman seethed, her oil-painted nostrils flaring.  
  
Rowena strongly recalled the time, the ONLY time, she came to the House of Black while enrolled at Hogwarts. It was long ago, when the house was located in the grassy, English countryside. . .  
  
*Rowena looked over at Lily, who was already studying for N.E.W.T.'s, completely ignoring the summer weather beckoning her to come outside. Rowena, however, could not ignore the soft wind running past the window, blowing the occasional blade of grass. The sun was brilliant, the sky blue with just the right amount of clouds, and the large trees encircling the Evans' all-too-perfect, muggle home.  
  
Lily had invited Rowena to stay at her home over the summer before sixth year, as they had developed a bit of a friendship and Lily was sick of the treatment she received from her obviously jealous older sister, Petunia. Rowena was grateful to come, as she enjoyed living in a home, not a place of learning. She even asked Petunia about every facet of muggle life, which the bitter girl did not seem to mind answering, but she always gave Rowena a suspicious look as though the house would end up in flames.  
  
Lily looked up at Rowena, giving her a small smile.  
  
"Don't look at me like I'm mad, Rowena! Mark my words, you'll be begging me to help you with N.E.W.T. classes. Just let me study, okay? We'll do something fun later."  
  
Rowena rolled her eyes, feeling like she was a four-year-old begging her older sister to play with her. She let herself slip off into imagining what it would be like at Sirius's house, until a pecking at the window woke her up.  
  
A barn owl was clearly asking to be let in, a heavy letter hanging temptingly from its leg. Lily opened the window, the only time she let her book down, and let the owl perch on her arm, gently untying the envelope from it's small, white, feathered leg. Lily was perfect in every way, Rowena had found herself noticing. No wonder James would do anything to have Lily think of him once.  
  
A mischievous grin found its place upon Lily's face, her green eyes glittering with the same feeling. Rowena felt her stomach drop; what did she know?  
  
"Ooh, guess who can't live without Rowena Flintwood this summer!", Lily said mysteriously, in the voice of an anchor woman off a show about celebrities.  
  
Rowena glared viciously at the red-haired girl, who giggled in reply. Rowena snatched the envelope out of Lily's hand, noticing the address was written in the hand of Sirius. Rowena's heart leapt several feet; Sirius hadn't talked to her since they reached the station. She eagerly opened the letter, fumbling with the envelope fastening. It read:  
  
Dear Rowena,  
  
How's your Summer at Lily's place? I'm guessing she thinks James is as much of a git as he was after O.W.L.'s. Poor bloke doesn't have a chance, does he? I've been missing you. I'm turning sixteen tomorrow, so, if you want, I'd like you to come over. I know you hate Floo Powder, and to get here by muggle way would be hectic and long, so there's one of my penknives in the envelope. Don't touch it until you're absolutely ready to come over. Can't wait to see you.  
  
Love,  
Sirius  
  
Rowena felt a surge of excitement inside of her that made her want laugh and scream. To see Sirius was a greater pleasure than any in the cosmos. She noticed little things about Sirius's letter. For instance, the word 'Love' at the end was written rather shakily compared to the rest of the words. Lily had looked over her shoulder at the letter.  
  
"What a pity, he didn't confess his undying desire for you.", Lily said jokingly, but it bothered Rowena nonetheless, as she had a strong recollection of the infirmary incident.  
  
"Oh, go off and snog James Potter! You KNOW you want to.", Rowena shot back, knowing that she had no reason to be so angry. . . or did she?  
  
Lily's face turned the color of sour milk, her eyes had turned into daggers, and her mouth formed into a very narrow, twisted line. She bore some resemblance to Petunia at this moment. Lily turned swiftly and sat down and started reading again, though in a much less peaceful mood than before. Rowena felt a tad awful for what she said, knowing that Lily loathed James more than the Dark Lord.  
  
Rowena looked inside the envelope, seeing the penknife looking more enticing than anything did at the moment.  
  
"Hey, I'm going to go see Sirius. I'll see you later."  
  
Lily didn't answer.  
  
Rowena grabbed for the penknife, too eager to care how long Lily's anger would endure. Whirlwinds of color surrounded Rowena, as she felt her stomach lurch, a dizzy feeling forming inside her head all the while. She found herself in an unnaturally dark bedroom, even more unnatural to know that this was most likely Sirius's bedroom.  
  
"Ugh. . .", Rowena muttered, clutching her head, as she was prone to headaches.  
  
"Took you this long, did it? Didn't miss old Sirius at all?", an amused voice said, trying to sound hurt, but this was all mock.  
  
Rowena gave a short laugh and turned around, only to look into those eyes she had been able to read for so many years. The laughter faded slightly from them, the familiar grin eased itself into a pleased smile. Sirius walked towards her swiftly, embracing her tightly. He really HAD missed her, as she could sense the exultation in his abrupt breaths, along with the length of his embrace. She held on to him tightly as well, for Sirius had something no one could offer her, not even the eternally-flawless Lily Evans.  
  
"So, how's Remus been?", Rowena asked, before mentally kicking herself, knowing that Sirius Black, her best friend, was standing in front of her, eagerly awaiting words of how much she missed him.  
  
Indeed, Sirius's face fell; Remus was not a subject he was expecting, she was sure. Rowena avoided his eyes and noticed a painting on the wall.  
  
"Sent him an owl a few days ago. He's alright, but he's pretty tired since the full moon was just last week. He asked about you, too. I guessed you were alright. Hope those muggles didn't give you a hard time. You ARE okay, aren't you?", Sirius said, looking a little worried.  
  
"Yeah, fine.", Rowena replied distantly, feeling entranced with a portrait of Sirius's family, or more with Sirius showing a very proud, strong streak that his brother, Regulus, and his parents lacked. When she realized what little attention she was paying to Sirius, her eyes darted to him, only to find he was simply grinning and shaking his head.  
  
"What?", Rowena asked, puzzled.  
  
"You seem to like my family a lot, Merlin knows why. Why don't you just move in?", Sirius joked.  
  
"No, I'm just surprised. I mean, I thought what you said about them was just you being rebellious. Then, Regulus came to school, and he was sorted to Slytherin, along with being a prat. But I thought he was just spoiled as he is your younger brother. They really ARE that bad, aren't they?", Rowena replied solemnly, noticing the way his mother eyed him with disgust in the portrait. She wanted to gouge the woman's eyes out.  
  
"Why Sirius? What did he do wrong?", Rowena asked herself silently.  
  
Sirius came to her side, eyeing the portrait. Despite the anger that brimmed in his eyes, the hurt that could not be mended, there was a very small, soft feeling that could be none other than love. A very tormented, confused love, no doubt, but the feeling was clear.  
  
Rowena moved herself slightly closer to Sirius, and looked at his eyes, which were focused on the portrait, and slowly becoming misty.  
  
"They couldn't have always been like that, could they?", Rowena asked, unsure of the answer.  
  
"Well, before I went to Hogwarts, things were okay. Mum didn't know who I was, though. When she found out what House I was in, she knew I wasn't the son she expected me to be.", Sirius said, his voice dark and bitter. "Then she started paying more attention to Regulus, giving him whatever he wanted, teaching him to hate them."  
  
Rowena knew "them" had to be half-bloods and muggle-borns. Rowena knew her father would be proud to have a son like Sirius, despite the fact that he gave in to the Dark Lord. Rowena felt a pang of anguish and quickly dispelled the thought. She would be proud to have a brother like Sirius, and in a way they were siblings. They had many relationships. The sympathizer to the victim, good friends, brother and sister, kindred spirits. . . soul mates, even. Rowena dispelled this thought as well. That just could not happen. It was Sirius, who was handsome, yes, but she never seemed to care anymore if he was or not. It didn't matter, because he was Sirius.  
  
"Isn't that what love is all about, Rowena?", she thought.  
  
"You love Sirius, why don't you just accept it?", a voice much like Lily's calmly argued.  
  
"It doesn't have to be a romantic love, Rowena. It can be platonic, if that's what you want.", a Remus-like voice added intelligently.  
  
"Why would you want that? You're mad for old Prongs!", she heard James's voice exclaim admonishingly.  
  
"Love can get you into a lot of trouble. It hurts. The most painful thing in the world. Well worth it, for some, but for others. . .", Peter's voice uttered shakily.  
  
Rowena didn't want to hear this. 'Love' was moronic. Girls at school claimed they 'loved' their boyfriends so much that they would die for them. She saw them all at the Winter Balls and what not held at Hogwarts. That DEFINITELY was not love. Fanciful, mushy, meaningless, selfish, fluff, yes, but not even close to love. Love was divine, the highest form of selflessness, something that easily rivaled and defeated any other human feeling in the universe. It was much too overwhelming to think that perhaps this thing that all of humanity searched and strived for existed between her and Sirius.  
  
"Rowena, what's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost! Well. . . you certainly could have. Centuries of Blacks lived here. . .", Sirius said, his voice icy on the last statement.  
  
Rowena opened her mouth. She had to tell him. Maybe it would make her feel better.  
  
"Sirius, we've known each other a long time, right?", Rowena said, knowing the answer.  
  
Sirius was about to say 'yes', when a door, most likely downstairs, opened swiftly.  
  
"Great.", Sirius muttered sarcastically, as he grabbed his trunk, which was half-full, and started filling it with clothes and books.  
  
"What are you doing?", Rowena asked, aware that someone undesirable had arrived, but unaware of Sirius's plans.  
  
"What does it look like? I'm packing.", Sirius answered, slightly frustrated.  
  
"Where will you go?"  
  
"James's place. He invited me a few weeks ago. I don't think I can stand much of this 'honorable family of Black' rubbish. My patience has worn too thin. If they think they can keep me here and make me listen to all their bloody opinions, they're wrong.", Sirius answered as though it was only him in the room.  
  
Rowena was about to tell Sirius that his decision was rash, but realized that she wasn't in his position, and that if she had been, she would have packed up and left, perhaps even sooner.  
  
When Sirius appeared to be finished, Rowena opened her mouth again, only to be cut off by him.  
  
"Can you just wait here? Make sure they don't find out you're in here, okay?"  
  
Sirius left the room, closed the door behind him, and Rowena heard him run down the stairs. She heard yelling, from a woman with a shrill voice, to a man with a deeper one, to Regulus's much too smooth voice, and Sirius's bitter replies. Rowena sat on the iron-wrought bed, straining to listen, but hearing only parts of the argument.  
  
Sirius had yelled, "You don't love me!", while his father said loudly enough for Rowena to hear in completion,  
  
"If you deserved it, we would. But you have been a shame to the family ever since you went to school. Honestly, the likes of Potter? Do you know how many times I've told you to choose your friends carefully? And that Lupin boy is no more better! They come from families so much lower than ours, I don't see how you can get along with them. Why not Malfoy's boy?"  
  
Rowena rolled her eyes; why not Lucius Malfoy? Was this man kidding? Lucius Malfoy made James look like a saint, which was very difficult to do. He embodied all the worst traits of Slytherin, placing himself in a stereotype. Snape was a different story. He had not talked to Rowena much lately and she was sure he was aiming to get the Dark Mark, but he wasn't always so dreadful. He desired power, perhaps even the chance to kill Sirius and James, but he just wanted vengeance.  
  
Snape was not a bad person, just someone who did not understand the complexities of Sirius. Sirius was arrogant and foolish, yes, but there was the side that Rowena was more used to seeing. The person who just didn't care about school anymore, about life in general. The one who understood that popularity was a fickle friend that would come and go as the winds changed direction. The one who knew that everyone, EVERYONE, suffered the same problems, some in secret, others in blatant view.  
  
Sirius's angry footsteps came towards the door. He burst in, his face red, his whole body shaking in fury. Rowena looked at him as calmly as she could, trying to think what Dumbledore would say and do, as he usually was right. Sirius looked at her with apologetic eyes.  
  
"Now, do you understand?", Sirius ruefully said, his voice dangerously soft.  
  
Rowena still had no idea what to say. Her family life had been good in comparison and she couldn't tell him that, of course. Sirius took his wand and put several charms on the door, most likely ones to lock it.  
  
He sat down next to Rowena, which made her flinch.  
  
"Shocks you that much, does it?", Sirius said gently, a cold laugh proceeding the statement.  
  
"I had no idea anyone could say that to their own son.", Rowena replied, the reluctance clear in her tone of voice.  
  
"They aren't my parents. I don't have a mother. I don't have a father.", Sirius uttered in all the bitterness he seemingly could muster, but his voice shook.  
  
"You're only sixteen, you shouldn't have to say things like that.", Rowena said.  
  
Sirius didn't answer.  
  
"I'm taking my broom to James's. I guess you'll be wanting to get back to Lily's place now, you know. . .after all this."  
  
"Nah, she's mad at me. I teased her about James. She won't even look at me.", Rowena replied, sighing at her blunder.  
  
Sirius laughed, not coldly, but heartily as though he had not heard anything truly funny in the longest time.  
  
"Come with me to James's then. He did invite you, mostly because he wants to hear everything about Evans, but it still counts."  
  
Sirius was grinning.  
  
Rowena shook her head.  
  
"Lily would kill me. I mean, honestly, James is YOUR friend, not necessarily mine. I'm not too keen on the messy hair, catching-the-snitch bit. I think that's the reason Lily hates him so much. He is pretty conceited, you have to admit."  
  
Sirius's face fell. His eyes hardened and he stood up. Rowena recognized her mistake, but it was a little too late.  
  
"James has always been nice to you. What do you have against him?"  
  
"Unlike you, Sirius, my friends aren't all in the same circle. It's difficult to be perfectly diplomatic. James doesn't make it any easier for me."  
  
Sirius snorted derisively.  
  
"Look, I'm not begging you to come to James's place. I just asked if you wanted to come, not how much moral-fiber James Potter is in possession of. And, now that I think of it, you told us the reason you were nice to Snape was because he was nice to you, and he isn't exactly chums with us. So, if you are following your own rules, you ought to be nice to James, even if he isn't friends with your other 'friends'. You're arrogant, too, Rowena, but it doesn't bother me, so I let it go."  
  
Rowena stared and felt her jaw drop. She couldn't believe it. He was so glad to see her when she first arrived and now he was attacking her own principles. She made a perfectly honest, truthful statement about James, and he was shooting her down.  
  
"Do tell me, Sirius Black, how have I shown arrogance? I am dying to hear your words of enlightenment."  
  
Sirius gave a sideways smile and cleared his throat.  
  
"To start off, any girl who approaches me during lunch or class you immediately attack, starting with their looseness of character and intelligence, or lack thereof. That takes a rather conceited person, does it not? In Dark Arts class, you call everyone on their mistakes just because you can, and not because it would be beneficial to their skill. You're even cruel to Peter, the poor bloke. What has he done?"  
  
Rowena laughed, knowing that this argument definitely was not one Sirius Black would win.  
  
"Well, if you REALLY want your groupies annoying you, that's fine with me, but steer clear of the vomit that their cheap flirtation will induce. As far as Dark Arts class is concerned, I only call on Bellatrix's and Narcissa's mistakes, and you hate them, so what's the harm? They asked for it, being the horrid spoiled brats they are. And Peter? He's a leech, a parasite of your popularity. I've known it a long time, and trust me, if you let him any closer, he will take advantage of you, if he hasn't already. He isn't strong enough on his own, so he needs you and James to protect him."  
  
Sirius sat down again, avoiding Rowena's eyes.  
  
"You don't know Peter."  
  
"You're not really friends with him. He feels inferior. Someday, he'll rebel."  
  
Sirius remained silent.  
  
After a few minutes, he quietly got up and attached the trunk to his broom, the newest Cleansweep. He opened the large windows that were doors to a balcony. He took off, without so much as a goodbye wave. Rowena sighed, feeling the internal struggle between stubbornness and tact. She couldn't attack any of the Marauders, especially in front of Sirius. She looked into the envelope she had been clutching and grabbed the penknife, ending up in Lily's bedroom. Rowena knew her expression must have been ghastly, because Lily beckoned her to sit down and tell her everything. Rowena was too tired and upset to keep that day's happenings to herself, so she emptied the entire story to Lily, not caring about any secrets being told.*  
  
Suddenly, the feeling of guilt that had consumed Rowena had left. The weight on her shoulders had left. 


End file.
